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Happy Mother's Day! #20

Today marks my 20th Mother's Day! I can't believe it!

Actually, I can believe that. Its been a very full and wonderful 20 years of mothering.

What I really can't believe, is how much I don't like Mother's Day.  Part of it is embedded in my mom's experience. I don't remember a Mother's Day where she didn't end up in tears. Maybe she was unrealistic or naive? She was an only child and we were three!

Another part is that for me EVERY day is Mother's Day. I have spent a lot of time with my children and I still do a lot for them. They are first in my decisions of what to do. I breastfed for years with them. I opted to try for a homebirth for them. I stayed out of work and I went into debt to be home with them.

Most of it has to do with being with a man who criticized and made fun of me and my mothering.

Of all 20 Mother's Day's, not one came with a card from my kid's Father. No card. No breakfast in bed. No flowers. No appreciation. My Mother and Mother-in-Law showed their love on Mother's Day and I am grateful for them.

I am finally free of him. In hindsight, I don't know what took so long. I compare myself to others who have left the father of their children, others who are starting over in new loving relationships and still others who have only known respect and encouragement from their partners. Sometimes I cry when I think about what happened or wonder what I could have done differently.

What if I left when my kids were preschoolers? What if I paid the divorce lawyer with my credit card and did take my ex to court? What if I understood how Family Court works and how much power I did have at that time? But I didn't. I was married "til death do us part." Divorce was unimaginable and with that belief came abuse.

That's where I get stuck.

How would I have known? I work with lots of families in transition now. They use Google and Facebook to find things. That works really well if you know the search terms. I didn't know the search terms. i didn't even know I had a problem. I thought what I was going through was NORMAL. And, it is NORMAL, for a certain cross section of our society. It's even common... but it's not healthy. And, one can choose not to live that way.

What I needed was for someone to see the red flags and volunteer the information.

The biggest difference between who I am now and who I was 20 years ago is that now, I ask for help. Usually. Old habits die hard.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mamas, from my heart to yours! 

Cheers, Mama! Mother's Day Edition

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Hello Mamas!

As this Sunday is Mother’s Day I wanted to take the time out to discuss us Mamas!

We come in all different shapes, colors and sizes; yet are emotions all follow the flow of the same river, the timeless flow of motherhood. As woman we come equipped in our mother’s womb with all of our living giving powers.

From just a few months after conception the female fetus’s eggs develop, meaning that mothers not only carry their children but also their unborn future grandchildren as well! We are born of this world, yet this world is born of us at the same time, and the winding spiral of universal life dances on within each of us!

For every woman the ancient call to motherhood comes at a different time. Some of us know from the first moments we remember we were simply meant to be mothers! Others, like me, hear a silent call as we move through the adult years, a long lost yearning for the unborn.

We see a little baby on the street and our hearts skip two beats, we recognize the time has come to embark on the journey of the childbearing years… Each minute approximately 251 babies are born worldwide: I suspect that for each of those babies born there is also a unique style of mothering born!

It is time for us as mothers to unite; join hearts and minds together for the next generation: our children’s generation! For far too long now mothers have been separated, divided and underestimated! Stay at home moms versus working moms, vaccine friendly versus no vaccine, natural birth versus medicated birth, disposables versus cloth diaperers, home schoolers versus public schoolers, the list goes on and on.

For every mother that loves her child, there is a unique way for her to care for her child. There is no one method that will work for all of us nor, is there anyway of knowing what will work until you try it! Let’s work together as mothers to embrace the many different styles of parenting, whether they are aligned with our personal style or not.

Brown Mamas, Short Mamas, Big Boob Mamas, Tall Mamas, Skinny Mamas, Rainbow Mamas too, UNITE! This mother’s day open your heart to the world of universal possibility! Hug your mothers, and hug your daughters: the future mothers of the world!

Always remember, the vital life force that flows from within you out into the universe, feel the life cord which connects you to everything else. Give thanks for your life giving powers. Give thanks to earth, the mother of us all.

Give yourself a hand, kick up your feet, (sip a mimosa perhaps) and enjoy your special day, you deserve it!

Happy Mother’s Day Mamas, from my heart to yours! The river of motherhood runs deep, May it quench your thirst!

Till Next Time, Be Well!


Pulling a Double Shift: Working with a Baby: The Calm in the Chaos

Pulling a Double Shift

Hello Mamas!

It has been a whirlwind of a week in my part of town! With gardening season in full swing, my daughter’s seemingly exponential pace and zest for life, my husband in Manhattan for work, dog sitting, and my GMO education outreach here in town, my head has just slowed to a stationary position (from full on spinning for the last couple days).

Silly me, I double-booked myself again! Since I have become a mom, I have developed the unfortunate habit of double-booking myself. Planning to be in two places doing three jobs at once! Three jobs because if I am working my daughter is by my side.

This past week I had scheduled myself to the point of no return… I had volunteered to dog sit (my mother’s lovable pup) and to man an outreach table at Farm Fest on campus on Thursday, all while my husband was out of town for business!

He returned last night and the dog was picked up this morning, hence my ability to write cohesive thoughts on the page. After day one (of three days total) of dog sitting, outreach at Farmfest, and hubby out of town; I felt rusty. Rusty in my bones; when I put Rita and the dog down to bed for the night I was done. I was still done when Rita awoke at 5:30 the next morning to begin our next fun filled day of adventure!

But, this is more than a rant about how hectic my last couple of days were; this is the story of achievement on the cosmic level! This past Saturday, (Day 3 of dig sit/ no hubby fest) I managed to meditate for the first time since Rita has been born.

Seriously, for almost three years now my mind has been so hyperactive that I have not successfully meditated, or truly quieted my mind in that space of time, until yesterday! Blissful is the quiet mind! After harvesting some greens around the yard to throw into a recipe I found myself with the space to sit in my yard and meditate.

A space just for me, but, at the same time for the whole universe. I fell into the void: out of myself and became one with everything else again! I was content. I had achieved some kind of nirvana amidst chaos, yes! Finding calm within the chaos… I am so surprised to report that the first time I have truly meditated in years coincided with one of the most hectic weeks of my adult life!

If you would have told me to “keep calm and meditate” when I ranted about my busy, over loaded week, I probably would of went lioness and ripped some heads off! But, seriously I think there is a lot to be said about finding calm in the storm.

When we are able to maintain inner calm, emotions like happiness and joy just seem to flow toward us and emanate from us! I think part of my ability to find this place of inner calm within myself was because I felt accomplished: Super Mama!

I had handled all of my life’s tasks by myself, plus some extra work, including outreach, gardening and dog sitting! I also managed to succeed at most of these things! (As anyone of you who work with your young children around know, for every one task accomplished three more projects are created! Ask me about how Farmfest outreach went with toddler in tow for a good laugh).

Meditate on this: How amazing is our ability to thrive! I truly believe in the power of positive thinking. I can think back now to the time wasted worrying about what a hard time I was going to have while my husband was out of town.

In retrospect, it was all for null because my daughter, dog for the weekend, and I were a great trio! Within us all lays great strength and the ability to do more than merely to survive but to flourish. Let us all work to live in a space where we recognize our true potential at that of those around us!

Till next time, in the wise words of Willy Wonka: We are the Music Makers, We are the Dreamers of the Dream… Be Well!


Mother and Daughter: Friends Forever

Hello Mamas! Today I experienced my first writer's block in a long time. Looking for inspiration, I asked my daughter, “What should mama write about today?” She replied “Write a note about what daddy does at work all day.” That made me laugh! Although I find my husband's career path quite captivating, I will spare you all the details of a day in the life of a Community Outreach Director!
Instead, I want to chat about the evolution of mother-daughter relationships! Of course, all of my feelings apply to a mother-son relationship as well, but I chose to highlight mother-daugher for two reasons 1) because I have a daughter (Thanks, Captain Obvious : ) ) But, also because so much time and resources have been dedicated to the precious often tumultuous mother-daughter duo.
“I’m always gonna be your friend, always!” Rita exclaimed in her sing-song toddler speak. With those few simple words my heart melted. Lately, Rita and I have had our fair share of battles. Mini battles which stem from day-to-day tantrum prompters like brushing her curly locks, getting shoes and a coat on, or, our latest episode: who gets her out of her crib in the morning, mom or dad. If mom arrives surely she will cry out for Daddy, and vise versa! Very annoying first thing in the morning. After the third morning of her rejecting my open arms and calling for dad, the tears came! Mama’s feelings were hurt!
Surely I put my mother’s tender heart through the blender more than a few times! Lately, I constantly have to remind myself not to take Rita’s little mood swings and off color comments personally. Most of all I remind myself: She is only 2 years old and does not understand that some words truly can cut like a knife! In the midst of our mini battles (much worse when Dad is not around to mediate) I have to take a step back and say “Hey, you are the adult here, don’t start throwing your own fit!” I have noticed that for the first time since Rita is born I have given her some “attitude”. Meaning, she hits that last nerve of mine and I get sassy and change my tone with her, almost like sisters! I do not like this; it makes me feel very childish! But, apparently there is still a part of me who feels rejected and disheartened when I feel unappreciated and mistreated by my loved ones. Naturally, right?
It seems to me as mothers we often put aside our inner emotions for the sake of others, and it sucks! Sometimes, it is so important to express these emotions to our family members so they understand where we are coming from and we walk away feeling like our emotions are rational and justified. Letting it out every once in a while is way better than blowing your top at any given moment given the proper stimulus. Nobody likes to watch a toddler meltdown, but nobody, I mean nobody wants to watch a mother publicly meltdown!
Even though we have all been there, we look upon that mom losing it with her kid in the grocery store and think, "Man, what kinda mother...?” From now on, I am going to make it a point to give a little smile or reassuring “I’ve been there, Sister” because for me, nothing is worse than feeling like you are going through the tribulations of motherhood in isolation!
So, can mother and child be friends forever? I absolutely think so! I feel it is our responsibility to help foster that friendly, fun-filled relationship with our children. Not that we should dismiss role of disciplinarian and life guide, but rather that we can have our cake and eat it too. We can raise children who respect us but also think of us as a friend, how revolutionary!
Till Next Time, Be Well! To Flourishing Friendships!


A Surprising Thing Soil and Breastfeeding Have in Common

Have you had a chance to get your hands dirty? Spring is the best time of year to break ground on new outdoor projects, gardening and landscaping alike. If you are like me, that first hint of warm sunshine sends the message to your brain, “time to shift gears” break out the rakes, shovels and grill, it is Spring!
That first touch of moist garden soil brings me to a sacred place, an ancient, yet familiar place. The place where many women who came before me, bent to hand and knee, placing their hands in the earth to grow food from seed.
Woman and mothers are the caregivers and nurturers to the children and family. She is also, historically, been the primary gardener in households around the world. It is no wonder I feel so at home in my garden with my little daughter tugging at my skirt seams, leaving paths of trodden freshly planted seedlings in her wake. Recent research in neuroscience has shown that when the brain detects the scent of humus (rich soil) it releases oxytocin!
Where else have I heard the word ‘oxytocin’? Oh yeah, that’s right, it is one of the primary hormones involved in childbirth, maternal bonding and lactation! Oxytocin is a hormone which plays a key role in the neuroanatomy of intimacy; intimacy with a lover, a child, and apparently the earth itself! We understand it is released immediately after a baby is born and causes everyone in the room to fall in love with the baby, especially mama. This makes sense in an evolutionary sense.
This new found knowledge linking the release of oxytocin in response to the smell of soil is revolutionary.  It is a great argument for our deep physiological need to be close with nature! Although, this is a breakthrough in neuroscience it is very logical and easy to understand. I immediately understood this research to be true because I can “feel” it happening to me as I dig my hands down into the dirt year after year. Something magical takes place and I am transported to a peaceful world of contentment where time is no longer essential and all things are connected. When else have I been to this peaceful world? When breastfeeding my beautiful baby girl I, experienced it on a daily basis!
When we take the time to nurture life, we nourish a deep relationship for the creation of new life that is fundamentally sacred! I once wrote about SkyWoman, who tended the Earth with her bare hands and deep gratitude.
As you break ground this season may you feel the many blessings tending the Earth brings.

Till Next Time, Be Well!

Green Blessings to you and yours!