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Celebrating the Woman Within the Mother

Happy, Happy 2014!

As we take time to embrace a new year, it is important that we also take some time and embrace ourselves. That is, give yourself a little pat on the back! A pat on the back for all the hard work you put in and the love you pour out as a mother.

Take some time to enjoy some activities simply because they make you happy! You as a person, as an individual with needs, beyond the all encompassing realm of motherhood!

“I mourn the life I had before I was a mother,” a dear friend of mine and mother of two beautiful young children articulated in a recent phone conversation of ours. These may seem like the words of a new mom burdened with the many duties and responsibilities of motherhood or from a woman adjusting to the idea of herself as a mother figure, but no!

These words come from a strong, devoted woman who always saw herself as a mother within her lifetime. A mother who chooses to stay at home with her young children, to raise them, to exclusively breastfeed, to grow a garden to provide her family with optimal nourishment, ultimately a mother whose greatest priority is providing her children with the best start in life she can!

What is it that calls her to mourn the life she had prior to becoming a mom?

It is apparent she finds her role as a mother most fulfilling! However, it is not the mother within her who mourns, it is the woman! The woman who spent her maiden days wandering through the forest, creating art and poetry, going to rock and roll concerts, baking birthday cakes for friends, and simply reading books, this woman inside grieves!

As fellow mothers, comrades on this spiraling journey, we understand all too well how few and far between moments meant for idleness and indulging in one’s passions come along. Most of us find joy in the simple pleasure of brushing our hair and teeth before leaving the house! When we can barely find the time for oral hygiene, where do our needs as women fall?

All too often our needs as a woman, within the mother, fall by the wayside. This neglect for the woman within us leaves us feeling frazzled, totally drained and mundane. The frazzled mother grieves for the woman who once ruled her days, not because she wishes to go back to that time in her life, but rather because that woman is still inside her begging to be indulged!

That woman calls to her from within! But, surrounded by the seemingly never-ending tasks of motherhood, her cries remain unheard and unanswered. When these calls remain unanswered for too long the results can be destructive; sadness and depression, hopelessness, and devaluation of oneself for not finding happiness in motherhood. At the end of the day there exists a mother and a woman who is unhappy.


This is a call to action!

Take the time to nourish your inner sacred reservoir! This sacred reservoir is the place where the woman in you resides. When your reservoir is depleted just getting through life’s daily tasks can seem daunting.

Conversely, when your sacred reservoir is full you are able to flow through each day in sink with the universe broad stepping daily inconveniences without a negative thought! In this fulfilled and optimally nourished state of being you are able to be the sacred blessed mother you strive to be!

How do I nourish my inner sacred reservoir?

The answer to this question is different for each mother and can be formulated by listening to the woman within! Some woman may require more creative independent time than others, while an indulgent bath may do the trick for some, a solo walk in the woods or a visit with old friends may be necessary for others. Only you can stake out the path, the perfect mixture of “me time” which will sustain you as a mother and nourish the woman within!

Be an advocate; recognize this need in other moms!

As mothers we are often able to recognize the signs of burnout in a fellow mother. Be the first to tell a friend, “It sounds like you need a break”. I find it helps to emphasize the fact that taking time out for your self is not selfish, but rather it is compassionate, because understanding your needs as a woman will allow you to find the balance you need to be a joyful mother.

Perhaps you can help out a mother in need by offering to host a play date at your place allowing her some free time or try to entice her with an afternoon out on the town while dad stays at home with the little one. Of course, we can always help each other by providing a shoulder to lean on, someone who will listen without quickly countering with how difficult your day as a mother was, a caring friend!

Whether you’re an earth mama or a rainbow mother, two cups of coffee to start the day or a strictly herbal type of gal, you have needs! Always take some time to nourish your inner sacred reservoir and listen to the woman within, after all she is wise and lives at the core of your being.

The thought of mothers looking out for mothers and creating a space of compassion, makes my heart full! It is my hope that we never lose touch with our inner voice, the woman within who guided us on our path to motherhood. May she be ever nurtured!

Till Next Time, Be Well!

Maternal Archetypes, Earth Mothers & Creative Mama’s

 

 

Hello Mamas! Lately, I have been thinking about maternal archetypes. Archetypes are collective and are influenced by social groups and culture as much as by individual experience.

Most of us if asked to describe “a mother figure” have a set group of characteristics that define the role of mother, this is the maternal archetype. From home to home and culture to culture this archetype will vary, but there are many universal commonalities. Off the top of our heads we can rattle off a few traits that describe most mothers: caring, nurturing, loving, etc. Many of these archetypes have remained remarkably unchanged throughout our history.

In ancient Mayan culture existed a belief called “La Ultima Madre”. During pregnancy Mayan woman were told of two types of mother, “Rainbow Mother” and “Nurturing Mother”. Rainbow Mother does not nurture her children but rather inspires them through the energies of art and dance. Nurturing Mother, on the other hand, raises her children and nourishes them by growing corn.
While browsing a book of quotes about motherhood I came across a quote by Lynn Andrews, an author and shaman, which really caught my attention. Andrews has taken the ancient Mayan belief and made it relevant to the present day mother. She describes two maternal archetypes that most women fall into; Earth Mothers and Creative Rainbow Mothers.
Earth Mothers nurture their children through feeding them and providing for their basic needs. Earth mothers thrive on their responsibilities as a mother. Meeting the needs of her children brings fulfillment to the mother as a person. This is the more iconic role of mother in our society.
Creative Rainbow Mothers, on the other hand, inspire their children without necessarily having meals on the table on time. These mothers nourish there children by inspiring them. Often the lives of the children are structured around the mother’s need to keep her creative energies flowing. For many Rainbow Mothers having a creative outlet is necessary to their general well-being and allows for them to be the best mother possible.
What comes to mind when you think about maternal archetypes and the “role” of a mother? Do you fit into one of these archetypes? Do some aspects of your personality fit more easily into the box you define as motherhood? I think many of us probably fall somewhere in the middle, carrying with us elements of both rainbow mother and earth mother. Over the last two years of raising Rita my personal struggle has been to find the right balance between my nurturing and creative sides.
 Perhaps it is when we nurture our rainbow mother that our inner earth mother is able to shine. Be well!
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We welcome your thoughts and feedback.

Mother to Mother Chat (3) by Jasmine Wood (Rita's Mom)

Mama Bear Wisdom

           Hello Mama's! Many of us who have lived in the New Paltz area and frequented the woods over the years have been lucky enough to see New York State's number one charismatic mega fauna, the American black bear. (If you haven't yet, don't lose hope, their ranges are expanding and the local population is thriving. This being said, fear not, unlike there western cousins, the grizzly bear, black bears are docile (but extremely curious) and it is extremely rare that encounters with black bears become dangerous.)

I have always felt a special connection to bears, even spent two solid years of my undergraduate life researching black bears in the Adirondacks, but I wasn't able to truly identify with the mama bear archetype until I was pregnant with my daughter Rita. We have all heard folks speak of mother bears and their aggressive nature when defending cubs, this chatter usually depicts mama bears as a force to be reckoned with.

Once I began my journey through pregnancy nothing was more important than protecting this tiny little being and the home that she would be born into. It was like I had tapped into a part of myself that I never knew existed before. The internal sensor which goes off inside us moms anytime we are exposed to a hostile environment or find ourselves in a setting that seems like it could pose a threat and/or harbor danger for our family. I enjoyed this feeling! Perhaps, we can call it one of a mother's multiple super powers; This intuitive ability to steer clear of danger and defend our family if necessary, just like a mama bear.

Shortly after my daughter was born we were outside with her in her carrier on my chest, roaming our woodsy property. As we came to the middle of a bridge over a pond, we were surprised to see that on the other side of the pond were a mama black bear and her small cub. At first, she didn't notice us and went about her business of teaching her cub how to forage for food. Being a safe distance and separated by water, we were in a perfect position to observe this black bear family for a while. After a minute or two, tiny Rita let out a piercing wail, like only a newborn can, our position was discovered.

The mother bear immediately perked up both ears, and turned to face us. As Rita continued her wailing, the mother bear stomped both her front feet in our direction, a common movement in bears called, bluffing. She then proceeded to round up her cub and saunter back into the woods. Our hearts were pounding. Not from fear, but rather from total awe that is inspired by having an encounter with one of these majestic creatures.

I wondered what thoughts went through the mother bears mind as she looked my family over, carrying our fragile, wailing newborn. Was it a story woven together through centuries of man living with bears? Could she relate to me on a primordial level being a mother herself? I will never know. But, I like to think that sometimes when animals appear in our lives it is to bring us a message. I feel that this bear silently said words to calm a fellow new, young mother "Follow your intuition" and "You are strong".

Although, I have been able to tap into my inner mama bear, there are moments with my little daughter where I feel so vulnerable in this big old spinning world. So many dangers seem to lurk at every corner. It can be very overwhelming. These feelings usually start to take hold when I am feeling isolated and disconnected from my community.

It is at these times that I am reminded by strong women in my life, such as my grandmother or Mama Donna at New Baby New Paltz, that part of our strength, as women and as mothers is in our vulnerability. Our ability to empathize, to listen with compassion, and to give unconditionally is at the very core of our being. It allows women to look into the past, as well as the future to make decisions for the greater good. What benefits her family will benefit and support all families, human and animal alike.

An article in a magazine I like to read "Pathways to family wellness" entitled "Mama Bear Wisdom" outlines the story of this "intuitive knowing" that I have described in this chat. The article summarizes a book written by author Christiane Northrup called Mother Daughter Wisdom.  If the idea of mama bear wisdom resonates with you, perhaps this book is the perfect read as we head into the long New York winter. It is definitely on my list of "must read literature", let us know your thoughts if you read the book.

So, whether you are having one of those days where you are tapped into your inner mama bear, feeling strong and courageous, or maybe it’s the other kind of day and you feel small and vulnerable. Take some time to reflect on your intuition, what is your gut telling you? But also, take some time to look at the world around, are you missing important messages that the universe is trying to impart to you? We are all connected. From my home to yours, may positive energy abound! Be Well!
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We welcome your feedback! Tell us about how you emanate mama bear wisdom! Or maybe, you find yourself kindred with another animal, turtle or wolf mother, perhaps? Share with us your inner animal wisdom, have any of you created animal totems in which you can draw strength and clarity from in times of need?

Toddler Sleeping (Or Non-Sleeping)

Ember has now slept through the night 3 times, in her 18 month life – not 3 nights in a row, but rather once every few months we get a joyous surprise when we wake up, look at the clock, see it is 3 AM, 4AM, 5AM, 6AM and she is still asleep! But her more typical night involves random wakings, where she needs one of us to soothe her in some way back to sleep.

I know that sleep experts says, stop soothing her! She needs to learn to fall asleep on her own! Well, I challenge those sleep experts to come to my house for a week and give it a try. She will defy them. I am sure. I have (too) many sleep books all worn out from being fretted over, pages marked, read and reread. None of their methods worked.

It’s getting easier. She wakes up less often and needs less when she does wake, but don’t get me wrong - it’s still hard. For my little family, the most effective solution we have found so far is to do whatever it takes for each one of us to get the most sleep possible, and that's a moving target.

My younger self would never have guessed that sleep would be tied to my mothering identity, but somehow, it is. My self-confidence wavers. At a low, usually after a particularly sleep deprived point, I am very sensitive to judgment. I prickle when I sense people assume that if we only did this thing or that thing she would be sleeping by now. At a self-confident high, I know that we know our daughter best and know what does and doesn’t work for her and we are all doing our best, including Ember.

A gift to my daughter

NBNP081012I want to give my toddler, Ember, this beautiful gift: to accept her for exactly who she is. It’s a gift I want to give myself too.

I realized that too often I waste precious thought-time comparing myself to other moms and then comparing Ember to other babies.

It isn’t fair to either of us. The temptation is hard to resist, especially after Ember has a hard night with many wakings or when she wants me to hold her most of the day and I think of all the things I want to do but can’t manage to complete.

When I compare Ember to herself, I see how much she has grown, and it helps me to see her more for the beautiful child she is - I see that she sleeps much better than she used to! She is happier more often! She plays on her own sometimes now! Also, I accomplish more than I did when she was a newborn. I can write this newsletter! I read a novel last month!  Ember and I spend a lot of quality time together cuddling and playing!

She shines and sparkles just the way she is. I love her more than I ever imagined I could love. I always have, but I am now committed to loving her for exactly who she is – restless nights and all! And on that note, to loving myself for who I am too!

Do you compare yourself or your baby to others? If so, what are your thoughts on it? If not, how do you keep yourself from doing it???

Toddler as Travel Companion

NBNP081012My toddler, Ember, has flown between Montana and New York every 3 months of her life, and we’re about to embark on another adventure. Each time, I grow anxious wondering how she will do – Will she squirm and cry for the whole flight? Will she sleep at our new destination? Will she adjust to the time difference? And on and on.

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