Becoming a Mother Means Stepping into the Uncharted Territories of Your Heart.
Your heart is the source of your dreams and desires.
All your life you have drawn on your heart's deep knowing. Sometimes you get what you wanted and feel pleased. Sometimes you get what you thought you wanted, but it isn't quite as you expected. And sometimes you don't get what your heart is set on and you are deeply disappointed.
Your heart never gives up sending you messages.
"Do this. Try this. Try it another way." In many ways, our intuition guides us through our life. Even if you don't believe in intuition, you definitely believe in imagination. And these are the same, except for the spelling.
But living means trying to avoid the tender places where your heart has been broken.
Life can be so painful. There is physical pain from illness, as in the throbbing of a headache or toothache. You've lived through the wracking body pain of a fever; The queasy persistence of nausea and throwing up; The breathless pressure of pneumonia, asthma and bronchitis;. Each time you are ill, you swear that you will sleep more, eat better, exercise more and see your doctor and dentist regularly.
There is emotional pain from our relationships.
People say unkind things, often unintentionally, yet words still sting. You can still vividly remember one or two embarrassing interactions from childhood. You may have been hit or slapped. You may treat your body poorly by drinking or drugging., overeating, over-exercising, and working too hard -- beating yourself up each time you mess up. Even though each time, you tell yourself that next time you will do better.
Living is a seesaw of avoiding pain and trying again.
We hold our body in tension in an effort to protect our wounds, even though we know that this is counter-productive. When we break a bone, there is a time of immobility that allows everything to glue back together. We need this time of immobility with our heart, as well.
But in time, our body must return to its full range of motion. We must massage, stretch and strengthen in order to support our healing and reclaim full functioning. We will bring a new awareness of our fragility into our living and we also bring awareness of our strength and resilience to come back from injury.
Therapy helps our heart to be more resilient and feel less broken.
Our deepest wounds come from our parents.
Parents really do want the best for us, but they are hampered by their humanity. Some start by aborting a pregnancy because they feel it's not the right time or they don't have the capacity to bring a child into this world. Some mothers will carry to term and release their baby for adoption.
I've never even met my mother, but I carry her burden: "Why did she give me away?"
Your parents may have been great parents, but even great parents will misunderstand you, causing you pain in some way. It is impossible to have a relationship where you understand another person so completely that hurt feelings never happen. The best you can hope for is awareness and apology and reconnection after the hurt. But more likely, we carry some hurts into our parenting.
You should understand that being a perfect parent is impossible, but many of us try to do this very thing.
If you are thinking about creating a baby. Or your partner is thinking about creating a baby and you aren't on board yet. Or, you have been unsuccessfully trying to have a baby, there is one more thing you should think about.
Do you resonate with having a baby or are you still tuned into the adult-only channel?
Having a baby means crossing a point of no return and your heart may be fearful.
You may have been taught (at an impressionable age) that getting pregnant would be the worst thing you could do. And at fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen, it is not a bad thing to inhibit your drive to have sex. But when you still feel that inhibition at 30, it gets in the way of creating a baby.
You may delay pregnancy in reaction to your experience as a child.
There are plenty of parents who are not mature enough to be parents. If you were neglected because your parents were still growing up, you are right to feel cautious jumping right in. It's definitely less stressful having a baby if your career is established and you are enjoying a stable relationship, married or not.
You may not even be able to put your finger on why you hesitate.
You may be in the midst of exploring and enhancing your fertility. Each month you make love on your best days, but in the back of your mind, you are becoming more and more fearful, that something is wrong. You are soul searching and making bargains with the universe.
"Please God, please let me get pregnant. I promise I will..."
And one day the two stripes on the test appear and you are pregnant.
Your ship has set sail into the uncharted territories of your heart's wishes.
At this point you must let go and trust your heart and your gut. Each baby is a human being with their own desires and life to live. You can read all there is to read about babies, but your baby has their own book. If you try to live another's life, you will feel frustrated and unhappy. Your baby will never measure up. It's important to remember that your baby has their own life story.
You are writing the book of your baby right there in your belly.
I invite you to start a conversation with your baby from the first moment you understand that you are pregnant. Babies are conscious beings trying to make their feelings and needs known. If you are listening and aware, you can have a deep and fruitful relationship with your baby. It will still be frustrating but I think you will feel satisfied that you did your very best to give them what they needed.
And you can write that book for real. Now is a good time to keep a journal.
Drawing, writing, and sculpting all make your imagination and intuition visible. Telling your story helps you to understand it. Write your child's story, even if you never read it again. Expressing what is inside you, keeps the energy flowing and allows you to make sense of all the emotions and changes that you are feeling.
You are growing bigger and growing up.
You are leaving childish ways behind and integrating them into daily life at the same time. You will give up all you hold dear. You will be more loving and more compassionate. You will have more fun and laugh harder at silly things. You will feel your heart expand with love and then break a million times over again.
And your guide will be right in your arms, inviting you to do all this.