Once Upon a Snowy Day

emotions, expectations, gratitude, Jasmine Wood, mama, memories, mothering, newbabynewpaltzblog, Rita, snow, toddler, winter -

Once Upon a Snowy Day

By Jasmine Wood

We sat cozily in our home and watched snow fall outside.

Time slowed down. It’s was as if Mother Nature was saying to all her creatures “Rest now. Reflect. Enjoy one another’s company.” As my daughter played, I could not help but think of just how far we have come. It is harder and harder to see the baby I once knew and the young woman I was.

Sometimes I want to cry and freeze time.

I exclaim, “Stop growing! Just for a little while! You’re so perfect just the way you are!” 

What I really want is not for Rita to remain a toddler forever, but rather I want to remember with every fiber of my being what these amazing years are like.

Most days I celebrate her growth.

I find myself elated with every little milestone and new trick she learns. Often, her milestones come with abundant joy and some tears of sorrow as I recognize how much she has grown. I am reassured that just because your child grows does not mean they grow away from you!

I know my child will grow up. This is what we all hope for and work toward all along: children who grow and flourish! My daughter is no longer the baby I carried for nine months, nor the nursling who I met when she entered this spinning world. She has evolved and continues to evolve. Although the dynamic of our relationship has changed, the love which nourishes our bond has only deepened. I feel the unabashed love of my toddler and I know I am a lucky soul. Her abundant love is the stuff good medicine is made of.

As many times of day that I stop and look at my daughter and think:

“She is so big!” there exist an equivalent number of times when I look at her and think the exact opposite, “Wow, she is so tiny!” I often forget that she is still a baby in many ways. She walks a fine line between independence and total dependence.

Some days, I feel Rita is needier than any newborn. She is clingy, demanding, an absolute tyrant and has no patience! These are the times I must remind myself that she really is still just my little baby. She requires my full attention and energy and a steady stream of love and guidance.

"As long as you live, my baby you’ll be."

Pondering this subject of watching my child grow, I must comment on the fact that it does not seem to get easier. Talking with other mothers, it seems that the heartstrings of a mother are tugged when their teen sails off in a car for the first time, as much when their little baby toddles off into another room. 

Go hug your mom!

The love of a mother is so powerful it remains constant in the face of change. I have found a new appreciation of my own mother!  This also reminds me to love myself. I am woman, I am mother, I am love. Hear me roar. I truly believe that of all the universal forces, love is one of the strongest.

Mamas:  Do not doubt your personal strength or the positive force you exert on the universe. You are teacher, nurturer, life giver; you are love invoked!

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