Mothering
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Sep 26, 2020
By Donna Bruschi
You came to me as a small fish: frantic, untiring, unceasing
Swimming upstream to the place of your birth
Your only need, to reach the headwaters.
At that moment, I knew and surrendered
And a spring deep inside me sprang.
And I held you.
You asked me to fill a pond and I did.
In time, your incessant demands pushed forth a tiny stream.
Droplets skittering over my being, your essence seeping into my dust
Each day a new gush, another groove, cut and deepened
And still you spurted forth,
Carving me in ways I didn’t expect
You dribbled and babbled and always, I held you,
New shoots sprang up in your presence, needing tender care
The spring thaw always eroded.
Unearthing pebbles, then rocks
Carrying them, bump. bump.
While you gurgled and rushed, seeking the path of least resistance.
Gaining momentum, deepening, broadening
Overrunning your banks, flooding me
Gouging me, eroding my boundaries
Always shaping and cutting your own path.
Always following the path of least resistance
In your retreat, detritus and silt to be cleaned or absorbed
An aerial reveals switchbacks and impossible twists
That make no sense
Until you are walking the banks, walking the lay of the land.
An eddy formed, a deep swirling in my unceasing efforts to hold you.
I admired how the sun cracked into a million diamonds on your skin
You fell silent, biding your time, building strength, seeking an outlet
With a thundering roar as you exploded over the edge,
A thing of unimaginable beauty
My heart stopped as you went over
That unstoppable, terrifying, endless plummet
Only to land in another eddy, and me grasping, to hold you
Yet forward you moved, dragging rocks, trees, pieces of my heart
Your power fluid, spellbinding
I was awestruck, lovestruck…watching you go in your churning
You embraced, then sidestepped boulders
One day, I held you one last time and then, you were gone
The swells of the ocean pulled you in and you swam away.
I watched for awhile, sad and happy, adding my tears to the confluence
Grateful for the spring that still nourishes my heart
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Mar 14, 2020
Most of us have nightmares about our children dying or disappearing, and truthfully, sometimes it happens. Many moms have had miscarriages or a "lost twin." Some chose abortion only to find themselves grieving. Others suffer through a baby or child's cancer and say goodbye, over and over again, until the child finally passes.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 16, 2019
“Mom, this card says ‘Don’t worry about Nancy anymore,’” Ember says, as she hands me a sticky note she scribbled on. I wipe away a drifting tear, and take it from her. “Thanks, sweetie. Why shouldn’t I worry anymore?” I want to know what is happening in her mind, partly because I’m feeling guilty.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on May 11, 2014
I wanted to discuss us Mamas! We come in all different shapes, colors and sizes Yet our emotions all follow the flow of the same river, the timeless flow of motherhood. As women, we come equipped in our mother’s womb with all of our living, giving powers.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on May 11, 2014
By Donna Bruschi
Today marks my 20th Mother's Day! I can't believe it! Actually, I can believe it. Its been a very full and wonderful 20 years of mothering.
What I really can't believe, is how much I don't like Mother's Day.
Part of it is embedded in my mom's experience. I don't remember a Mother's Day where she didn't end up in tears. Maybe she was unrealistic or naive? She was an only child and we were three!
Another part is that for me EVERY day is Mother's Day. I have spent a lot of time with my children and I still do a lot for them. They are first in my decisions of what to do. I breastfed for years with them. I opted to try for a homebirth for them. I stayed out of work and I went into debt to be home with them.
Most of it has to do with being with a man who criticized and made fun of me and my mothering.
Of all 20 Mother's Day's, not one came with a card from my kid's Father. No card. No breakfast in bed. No flowers. No appreciation. My Mother and Mother-in-Law showed their love on Mother's Day and I am grateful for them.
I am finally free of him.
In hindsight, I don't know what took so long. I compare myself to others who have left the father of their children, others who are starting over in new loving relationships and still others who have only known respect and encouragement from their partners.
Sometimes I cry when I think about what happened or wonder what I could have done differently.
What if I left when my kids were preschoolers? What if I paid the divorce lawyer with my credit card and did take my ex to court for a contested divorce? What if I understood how Family Court works and how much power I did have at that time? But I didn't. I was married "til death do us part." Divorce was unimaginable and with that belief came abuse.
That's where I get stuck.
How would I have known? I work with lots of families in transition now. They use Google and Facebook to find things. That works really well if you know the search terms. I didn't know the search terms. i didn't even know I had a problem. I thought what I was going through was NORMAL. And, abuse is the NORM, for one in four women in our society. But it's not healthy. And, with help, one can choose to not live that way.
What I needed was for someone to see the red flags and volunteer the information that I was in over my head.
For me, that someone was a therapist who listened to what was happening in my life and helped me understand the power and control dynamic and grow stronger. It was a counselor at Family of New Paltz who said, "You know, you can't stay in that relationship and there are people who can help you leave. We can make a plan."
That move changed my life.
It hasn't been easy. I wondered if I was doing the right thing because the less attached you are to your abuser, the harder they fight to keep you close. This is why you need a team of helpers. I had help from Family of New Paltz Domestic Violence counselors, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, New Paltz Police Dept., Maria Duncan, MSW, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my employees, and my friends. My team gave me a vision, encouragement, protection, money, physical help and love. I am truly grateful for all the support.
The biggest difference between who I am now and who I was 20 years ago is that now, I ask for help. Usually. Old habits die hard.
If you are in a relationship that hurts, know that while it is common, it is not healthy. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You should know that it's not your fault and you deserve to feel safe in your home.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mamas, from my heart to yours!
