Mothering
Mothering
The Healing Energies of Children
by Donna Bruschi on Oct 06, 2023
Children offer us heart-centered healing energy. Next time you find yourself feeling down, or caught up in past emotional trauma, take a walk with your child. Hold their tiny hand and allow yourself to be healed.
Mothering
Wean Art: The Gentle Journey of Weaning a Toddler
by Donna Bruschi on Feb 04, 2022
At 25 months, our family weaned little Rita (Yes, dad played a big role too) from the breast. I knew it was our time, but yet as we moved closer to her last nursing sessions I felt uneasy. Reflecting on this, I feel it was fear of the unknown. As nursing was the one factor in our routines that had remained constant from birth to two years.
Mothering
The Best Gift....Especially in a Pandemic
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 24, 2021
Holidays can be a hard time for anyone, but 2020 may be the worst of all.
It's Thanksgiving Eve.
According to NYS Governor, Andrew Cuomo, in his November 23, 2020 press conference, the best way to show your extended family you love them, is to stay home. NYS has a mandated limit of 10 person get-togethers. We are supposed to eat outdoors, wear masks, and shorten the visits.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 08, 2020
Temper tantrums are a cry for help.
When having a meltdown, your child is totally overwhelmed and needs support. Unfortunately, few parents received support for their strong feelings as children or learned even basic skills for working through a tantrum.
Mothering
Mother to Mother - Keeping it Real
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 03, 2020
Who Loves YOU?
Your baby, of course.
Your partner, of course. Your friends... Of course!
How about you?
Do you love yourself?
Most of us do, but probably not all the time.
Maybe not even most of the time. Having a baby can exacerbate this lack of self love. Somehow, that little being brings out your worst: your impatience, your sadness, your anger, your low self esteem, your GUILT!
You fall into the comparison trap.
You see other mothers at their best. You watch TV shows and movies with "Mom Impersonators". Screen writers condemn and make fun of your very worst moments while highlighting the Instagram Moments. You start to think "That's how life really is".
You start to think there is something wrong with you.
Like when your baby cries and you can't soothe him? You start to think you have no milk, because your baby fusses at your breast, or because your breasts are small. You get anxious when your partner is due home, because you are still in your pajamas, breakfast is still uneaten on the table, and dinner is some sort of dim oasis, far on the horizon.
On days like this, you just want your mommy.
Not just any mommy... but June Cleaver, Mother Theresa and Aunt Jemima rolled into one. Someone who will Take Over, GET ALL THOSE THINGS DONE, and hold you while you cry.
Honey... I got news for you.
She's not coming. She doesn't exist and never has. If she ever did exist, she had staff doing her house work and probably drank to smooth the sharp edges of motherhood out of her mind.
So what is possible when you are miserable?
A dose of acceptance. A little, or a lot of, "letting go." Making some new friends who understand where you are at, and how it is with a new baby. Some taking care of your needs and putting yourself first, at least some times.
Most importantly, you have to ask for help.
People want to help you. They really do. See all those gifts, cards, emails, likes, phone messages, and texts? That is because they want to help. They want you to feel proud of yourself, because they are proud of you. They want you to feel good about being a mother.
Your job is to get over this mistaken belief that you have to do it all yourself.
It's not easy. Help doesn't always come in the right sizes, shapes and colors. Sometimes it comes with strings attached. Or guilt. Sometimes it's like a bag of hand-me-downs. You have to sort through it and take what works for you.
Sometimes, you have to be REAL specific about what you want
....with your mother...who didn't raise you, the way you are raising your baby. It's part of growing up and you can learn how to do it. She may grumble, or criticize (Painful!) but stick to what you want and she'll come around. Probably.
It really does take a village to raise a child.
And here we all are, in our little nuclear families with the two jobs, the big house and the big lawn and so much work to do on top of raising a baby. Something's got to give, and the easiest thing to go is your pride. Not your pride in yourself. That's important, but your pride in denying yourself a community that loves and supports you and your little family. Start small, say yes when people offer, and watch that community grow!
"Look what we made, Baby! We made a community... and they LOVE us!"
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Mar 14, 2020
Most of us have nightmares about our children dying or disappearing, and truthfully, sometimes it happens. Many moms have had miscarriages or a "lost twin." Some chose abortion only to find themselves grieving. Others suffer through a baby or child's cancer and say goodbye, over and over again, until the child finally passes.
Mothering
How Long Are You Going to Nurse That Baby?
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 26, 2020
Many mothers know the answer to this question before their baby is even born.
"A year"
"6 months"
"Until I go back to work"
"If I like it"
"Until my baby is 4"
It's a question with many answers.
Breastfeeding is feeding and so much more. Babies also nurse because they are tired, overwhelmed, lonely, thirsty, sick, in pain, bored, cold, hot, or 89 other reasons. Nursing at a mother's breast stimulates or calms all the senses. It creates and completes a safe habitat for a baby.
The obvious answer if you are a baby is "As long as I need to."
Most babies, if allowed, will wean without any help between ages 2 and 6 years. The normal course of breastfeeding offers many immune and health benefits, optimal nutrition (or complementary nutrition), and emotional security. It creates a bond between mother and child that is intuitive and intimate.
Mothers have reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers and type 2 diabetes, have reduced fertility, have more stable hormone levels and many other benefits.
You may feel shocked or disgusted when you first learn about nursing toddlers or preschoolers.
Its just not something that happens often in the United States. It seems overwhelming when you are struggling to nurse a new baby, to think that you might have to do THIS for 5 more years.
As you continue nursing and it becomes more enjoyable, if you know someone else who breastfed longer, you tend to pay more attention to what your baby is telling you. When you learn that 17% of US children are obese, or someone in your family has breast cancer or lymphoma, you may also consider continuing, but the real change in your commitment happens when you are in a community that supports extended breastfeeding.
If you are planning on ending breastfeeding less than a year, you will find a lot of support, in our culture, for weaning.
Around 12 months, many babies lose interest in nursing because they are eating a lot of food, so they aren't hungry and they are busy learning physical skills like walking or climbing which take them away from mom.
At this stage, babies wean easily by substituting enough food, drink and other comfort measures. Not surprisingly only about 5% of American babies make it past this benchmark. If you encourage and offer the breast, you can keep all, except for the most independent baby, breastfeeding.
After one year.
There is a developmental shift that happens between 18 and 24 months where babies start returning to their mothers for comfort. if you are still nursing, you will most likely be very surprised to find that your previously independent toddler has started nursing as much as a newborn!
You may be alarmed and afraid that you have done something wrong. If you go with it, setting limits where necessary to keep yourself comfortable, this stage will usually pass into less frequent nursing over the course of a few months.
As the toddler grows, many mothers start to experience discomfort while nursing.
It might be physical because of gymnastic nursing moves, or a pregnancy. It might be emotional because of the greater intimacy demanded by the child.
Two and three year olds want to connect with you while they nurse. They claim your body as their own. They will stare at your body, insist on holding the other breast, have a fit if they can't nurse or hold the nipple or nurse in a particular position or side.
Probably there is nothing in your upbringing that has prepared you for this kind of relationship.
The closest experience you can probably compare it to is one with an adult sexual partner. When you do that, the toddler nursing relationship suddenly seems creepy and invasive. You just would not let a partner treat you that way.
That creepy feeling can be overwhelming.
It feels uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. Many women state: "I just want my body back." and quit.
Our American culture has totally skewed our definition of normal loving behavior. Intimacy in America is defined by candle-lit dinners, lingerie and sex. Many of us are not comfortable with our bodies and body fluids. We are not comfortable with others touching us, even in positive loving ways.
We are not comfortable with how much cuddling and touching babies need. We are not comfortable being a dyad with our babies.
Pay attention to what is happening when you feel uncomfortable.
Is it when you are home, alone, relaxing with your baby? Or is it when you have to answer questions about why your toddler is nursing.
Is it because you have a long list of things to do? Is it because of something that happened to you when you were a child?
Is it because you are pregnant or tandem nursing?
There are no right or wrong answers.
Extended nursing is a journey into yourself and what makes you tick. It consistently points you in the direction of having to be a more patient, compassionate, loving person.
Sometimes it makes you so angry or impatient that you can't take it anymore. You don't believe you can find any more patience.
When this happens, one thing that always helps is to look at your nursing toddler as a baby trying to grow up. Very few mothers set out to nurse a 4 year old, but they keep going because they see the baby in their child. That's good! Consciously relaxing during a breastfeeding session can help you be be that person.
Always remember that your body is your body.
You must have some rules about what happens to it. When you have this kind of clarity, your child may fight it, but eventually, they will do it your way. Nursing is too important to them and they don't want to lose it completely.
Another thing that helps is to have a friend or a mentor who can listen to you when you are ready to quit, which may be happening hourly or daily! They help remind you that all babies wean on their own when they are ready; that every minute you breastfeed really matters to your child; that this is a relationship between you and your baby; and that you can quit if you want to.
Babies take a long time to grow up.
Time plays weird tricks on your mind. Some things happen fast and some happen slowly. A nursing relationship creates a person who is compassionate and loving. It gives you an easy way to handle many, many situations.
It helps you to pay attention to your child and what they are needing. It makes it easy to understand and talk to your children even when they are older.
My job is to encourage and support you to nurse your baby. I would be thrilled if each and every one of you suddenly decided to nurse until your child was done. I know that's not going to happen, because many of you are going to have situations where you are going to think: "It is impossible to continue."
My question to you is: "Why is that?" and whatever you answer is the right answer.
My love to you and your family....
Donna
845-750-4402
Mothering
You're OK - Be a Better Mom Without Doing Anything!
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 19, 2020
One year old Maya was taking her first steps when she abruptly face-planted, startling herself and bumping her head. Her daddy scooped her up and snuggled her in.
"You're OK! You're OK. You didn't hurt yourself. You are fine. You did it! You walked!"
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 24, 2019
Holidays can be a hard time for almost everyone.
It's hard not to get caught up in the gift giving frenzy, the decorating, the cooking, or the planning of a special event. The expectations are overwhelming.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 16, 2019
“Mom, this card says ‘Don’t worry about Nancy anymore,’” Ember says, as she hands me a sticky note she scribbled on. I wipe away a drifting tear, and take it from her. “Thanks, sweetie. Why shouldn’t I worry anymore?” I want to know what is happening in her mind, partly because I’m feeling guilty.
Mothering
New Paltz Business Owner Collecting Baby Carriers For Refugees
by Donna Bruschi on Dec 21, 2015
A New Paltz business owner is working to help mothers with small children fleeing conflict in the Middle East. Donna Bruschi, owner of New Baby New World in New Paltz, is collecting baby carriers for mothers who are Syrian refugees.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 28, 2014
This week I find myself with a bit of writer’s block… My mind is scattered after being out of town for a week, the first half of the week spent camping with my little family, the second half of the week grieving the loss of a loved one on my husband side’s of the family.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on May 18, 2014
By Jasmine Wood
“Isn’t it funny, how a bear likes honey. Buzz, Buzz, Buzz. I wonder why he does…”
This is one of my favorite lines from my daughter’s bedtime book collection! (Classic Winnie the Pooh) It is one of those story lines that always gets my mind working. It makes me think of the famous philosopher, Rumi’s quote:
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”
Intrinsically, we find ourselves drawn to those things that make us feel fulfilled, just as Pooh finds himself drawn to the honey pot time and time again!
As women, many of us find ourselves silently drawn by the call of motherhood!
Some of us are ready to heed the call: "Procreate now!" Others, take time and are slowly enveloped by our most innate desire to form a family and home. Before, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I knew deep down inside that I wanted to be a mother. I did not know whether I would enjoy this all encompassing role or not!
This is where Rumi’s silent pull comes from.
It comes from deep down in the core of our being, the call mutes any worries the mind might carry, and leads you mind, body and spirit down the path of motherhood. Perhaps, there are many bumps in the road, or instead it may be smooth sailing from thoughts of conception, to labor and delivery.
The many paths we follow as women to reach motherhood are important!
The importance is in the journey, and not just the destination. The path we follow will stay with us, and guide us throughout the trying times of parenting! I have these moments in mothering where I feel so ancient, as if I can tap into the energy of all my female ancestors before me. Our collective knowledge and life force can be my guide if I allow myself to stay open and fluid.
I must remind myself to be like a tree, strong and grounded, but yet flexible and able to move with the winds of change!
I find the winds of change blow strongly in motherhood; just I have mastered one stage of development, my daughter is moving full force into the next stage and it is time for me to create new strategies toward mothering her.
To say my daughter keeps me on my toes is an understatement!
Our home is not static, but a dynamic force of love and intense cycling emotions. We have strong up’s and low down’s but, we move through these rhythm’s together, listening and learning what we can, every step along the way.
Till Next Time, Be Well!
Jasmine
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on May 11, 2014
By Donna Bruschi
Today marks my 20th Mother's Day! I can't believe it! Actually, I can believe it. Its been a very full and wonderful 20 years of mothering.
What I really can't believe, is how much I don't like Mother's Day.
Part of it is embedded in my mom's experience. I don't remember a Mother's Day where she didn't end up in tears. Maybe she was unrealistic or naive? She was an only child and we were three!
Another part is that for me EVERY day is Mother's Day. I have spent a lot of time with my children and I still do a lot for them. They are first in my decisions of what to do. I breastfed for years with them. I opted to try for a homebirth for them. I stayed out of work and I went into debt to be home with them.
Most of it has to do with being with a man who criticized and made fun of me and my mothering.
Of all 20 Mother's Day's, not one came with a card from my kid's Father. No card. No breakfast in bed. No flowers. No appreciation. My Mother and Mother-in-Law showed their love on Mother's Day and I am grateful for them.
I am finally free of him.
In hindsight, I don't know what took so long. I compare myself to others who have left the father of their children, others who are starting over in new loving relationships and still others who have only known respect and encouragement from their partners.
Sometimes I cry when I think about what happened or wonder what I could have done differently.
What if I left when my kids were preschoolers? What if I paid the divorce lawyer with my credit card and did take my ex to court for a contested divorce? What if I understood how Family Court works and how much power I did have at that time? But I didn't. I was married "til death do us part." Divorce was unimaginable and with that belief came abuse.
That's where I get stuck.
How would I have known? I work with lots of families in transition now. They use Google and Facebook to find things. That works really well if you know the search terms. I didn't know the search terms. i didn't even know I had a problem. I thought what I was going through was NORMAL. And, abuse is the NORM, for one in four women in our society. But it's not healthy. And, with help, one can choose to not live that way.
What I needed was for someone to see the red flags and volunteer the information that I was in over my head.
For me, that someone was a therapist who listened to what was happening in my life and helped me understand the power and control dynamic and grow stronger. It was a counselor at Family of New Paltz who said, "You know, you can't stay in that relationship and there are people who can help you leave. We can make a plan."
That move changed my life.
It hasn't been easy. I wondered if I was doing the right thing because the less attached you are to your abuser, the harder they fight to keep you close. This is why you need a team of helpers. I had help from Family of New Paltz Domestic Violence counselors, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, New Paltz Police Dept., Maria Duncan, MSW, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my employees, and my friends. My team gave me a vision, encouragement, protection, money, physical help and love. I am truly grateful for all the support.
The biggest difference between who I am now and who I was 20 years ago is that now, I ask for help. Usually. Old habits die hard.
If you are in a relationship that hurts, know that while it is common, it is not healthy. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You should know that it's not your fault and you deserve to feel safe in your home.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mamas, from my heart to yours!
Mothering
Mother & Daughter- Friends forever
by Donna Bruschi on Apr 20, 2014
“I’m always gonna be your friend, always!” Rita exclaimed in her sing-song toddler speak. With those few simple words my heart melted. Lately, Rita and I have had our fair share of battles. Mini battles which stem from day-to-day tantrum prompters like brushing her curly locks, getting shoes and a coat on, or, our latest episode: who gets her out of her crib in the morning, mom or dad.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Dec 01, 2013
“Do you remember being in my belly?” I asked little Rita Cassidy. She responded with a quick “Yes!” So I ventured further into the mysterious world of prenatal memories and asked “What were you doing while you were in there?” To this she replied “Rita was eating toast!”
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 17, 2013
I never could have dreamed that the sound of a “Plop” and a “Tinkle, Tinkle” would be like music to my ears. These, of course, are the sounds that fill our home when my daughter goes in her potty pot.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 03, 2013
As we came to the middle of a bridge over a pond, we were surprised to see that on the other side of the pond were a mama black bear and her small cub. At first, she didn't notice us and went about her business of teaching her cub how to forage for food. Being a safe distance and separated by water, we were in a perfect position to observe this black bear family for a while.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Oct 25, 2013
What are some better titles for what we do? I prefer "professional multi-tasker specializing in damage control" or "personal chef to a person with peculiar eating habits" even "24 hour fresh & local milk provider"
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 05, 2013
On a more mundane note, my thoughts have been scattered for, oh, about 17 months now . . .
I’m bringing this up because I just couldn’t figure out what to write for the newsletter and I realized it was because this is what was going on...
