Mothering
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Dec 22, 2022
The commotion was suddenly halted by a sharp cry coming from our bedroom. At this point Rita, a very able-bodied walker, whom I had watched just moments ago wander through the doorway into our room, now stumbled back out, crying and holding her hand to her eye.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 08, 2020
Temper tantrums are a cry for help.
When having a meltdown, your child is totally overwhelmed and needs support. Unfortunately, few parents received support for their strong feelings as children or learned even basic skills for working through a tantrum.
Mothering
Nurturing the Child with a Cold
by Donna Bruschi on Oct 29, 2020
The warmth of the last several weeks has me feeling hopeful that the relentless cold and darkness of the coming months will not happen after all! The longer nights, shorter days, chill, and dampness depress me, and I find it hard to be happy, and even more, difficult to accomplish my daily tasks.
Mothering
Mother to Mother - Keeping it Real
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 03, 2020
Who Loves YOU?
Your baby, of course.
Your partner, of course. Your friends... Of course!
How about you?
Do you love yourself?
Most of us do, but probably not all the time.
Maybe not even most of the time. Having a baby can exacerbate this lack of self love. Somehow, that little being brings out your worst: your impatience, your sadness, your anger, your low self esteem, your GUILT!
You fall into the comparison trap.
You see other mothers at their best. You watch TV shows and movies with "Mom Impersonators". Screen writers condemn and make fun of your very worst moments while highlighting the Instagram Moments. You start to think "That's how life really is".
You start to think there is something wrong with you.
Like when your baby cries and you can't soothe him? You start to think you have no milk, because your baby fusses at your breast, or because your breasts are small. You get anxious when your partner is due home, because you are still in your pajamas, breakfast is still uneaten on the table, and dinner is some sort of dim oasis, far on the horizon.
On days like this, you just want your mommy.
Not just any mommy... but June Cleaver, Mother Theresa and Aunt Jemima rolled into one. Someone who will Take Over, GET ALL THOSE THINGS DONE, and hold you while you cry.
Honey... I got news for you.
She's not coming. She doesn't exist and never has. If she ever did exist, she had staff doing her house work and probably drank to smooth the sharp edges of motherhood out of her mind.
So what is possible when you are miserable?
A dose of acceptance. A little, or a lot of, "letting go." Making some new friends who understand where you are at, and how it is with a new baby. Some taking care of your needs and putting yourself first, at least some times.
Most importantly, you have to ask for help.
People want to help you. They really do. See all those gifts, cards, emails, likes, phone messages, and texts? That is because they want to help. They want you to feel proud of yourself, because they are proud of you. They want you to feel good about being a mother.
Your job is to get over this mistaken belief that you have to do it all yourself.
It's not easy. Help doesn't always come in the right sizes, shapes and colors. Sometimes it comes with strings attached. Or guilt. Sometimes it's like a bag of hand-me-downs. You have to sort through it and take what works for you.
Sometimes, you have to be REAL specific about what you want
....with your mother...who didn't raise you, the way you are raising your baby. It's part of growing up and you can learn how to do it. She may grumble, or criticize (Painful!) but stick to what you want and she'll come around. Probably.
It really does take a village to raise a child.
And here we all are, in our little nuclear families with the two jobs, the big house and the big lawn and so much work to do on top of raising a baby. Something's got to give, and the easiest thing to go is your pride. Not your pride in yourself. That's important, but your pride in denying yourself a community that loves and supports you and your little family. Start small, say yes when people offer, and watch that community grow!
"Look what we made, Baby! We made a community... and they LOVE us!"
Mothering
Super Market Odyssey - On A Quest for Whole Foods
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 20, 2020
The creation of a child is a time when many parents take a renewed interest in the content of their diets, often starting in the supermarket.
For a couple eating fast food-to-go, it may be their first time in a supermarket, with the intention of preparing a meal from food, not a box. Another couple might start buying Certified Organic food and "shopping the perimeter," where the fresh foods are. And others might pass by the supermarket, headed for the health food store.
Shelf stable and highly convenient
In the supermarket, you are surrounded by highly processed, salty and sugary foods with dairy, palm, soy and high fructose corn syrup, in nearly every product.
In the health food store, you are surrounded by highly processed, salty and sugary foods with sea salt, soy, coconut oil and organic cane sugar in nearly every product. In addition, you can also supplement your diet with bottles of natural vitamins and protein powders.
Both places specialize in food products, not foods.
They are causing a health crisis in our community. We are now overweight and malnourished at the same time.
Food products are altered by manufacturing, chemistry, or genetics to remove undesired parts like bran, moisture, living bacteria, or cholesterol from a food. Or they are fortified with extra protein, iron, Vitamin D, calcium or Omega 3’s, whether or not Mother Nature intended the original food to have those.
In addition, they are processed to have a shelf life of several months, or years. They are preserved. If you leave them outside on your deck, you will find they break down very slowly, if it all. Shelf life renders them nearly useless as nutrition for our finely tuned digestive systems.
Let's take a radical departure from all that, and take a ride down to the farm.
Unlike the produce at the health food store which gets flown in by jet from commercial farms in far away California, Washington, Mexico and New Zealand, this food gets wheel-barrowed or tractored in from the rolling hills surrounding the barn. This food has a small carbon footprint.
And here are your farmers - It might be a couple with two little kids, or a couple of Ag students learning the ropes via mentorship, or it might be an extended family with Greats, Grands, Aunts, Uncles, Parents, Cousins and Kids.
They might be Michelin gourmet with 3 kinds of mizuna and 11 kinds of basil, or they might be country with piles of tomatoes, peaches, plums, pears, zucchini and apples. They might be meat farmers with chickens, cows and pigs. Or dairy farmers with a line of sublime cheeses and ice cream. They might even be brewing, fermenting, or distilling their hops, grapes and barley into tasty beverages.
Whatever they grow, they nurture and nourish with their experience, love and their sweat.
Whole foods look like how they come out of the ground, off the tree, or off the animal. An apple is an apple, no wax, all different varieties, juicy, flavorful and literally MOUTH WATERING. ShopRite apples aren't like this and Apple Fruit Rollups are definitely not at all like this.
And I say, there are no bad vegetables, only bad cooks.
Once you've eaten fresh from the farm, it's easier to switch from overly processed ‘food products’ to a diet rich in whole foods. Small farms rotate crops. They use manure and compost. They work the land, feed the land and then, let the land rest, so that it remains productive.
Shopping from local farms reinforces community!
Not only does shopping at the farm help your diet, but it also places your family back into the local food chain. Your hard earned dollars promote sustainable agricultural practices and stay in the community where they support Little League, the school Drama Club and food programs like Second Harvest.
Living in the Hudson Valley of New York, we have a wealth of locally grown and raised foods. For our family's health and the strength of our local economies, let us all work together and make conscious food choices, supporting our local farmers.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jun 15, 2020
By Lisa Bullard (Originally published January 2013)
First of all, Happy New Year!!!
May 2013 bring everyone much joy, harmony, and love!
On a more mundane note, my thoughts have been scattered for, oh, about 17 months now . . .
I’m bringing this up because I just couldn’t figure out what to write for the newsletter and I realized it was because this is what was going on:
Me thinking: I could write about how amazing language is and I . .
Me talking: “Wait! Ember, honey, we can’t climb on that shelf! Yikes! Here. Would you like to draw? Here are some crayons and paper.”
Me thinking: Okay, so yeah, I just can’t believe babies' drive to learn, and how we all had to learn to talk, and how much vocabulary we all store in our memories. I could write . . .
Ember: Holding a crayon dangerously near my eyes: “Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.”
Me: “Oh, you want me to draw?”
You get the picture.
In fact, as a parent, I’m sure you also live the picture! Anyway, one day I finally hit a nap time when I had a chance to sit, think and write. I want to share that as I watch Ember learn to talk, I realize just how incredible our drive to communicate is! To think that we all had to learn the vocabulary we use word by word!
In hindsight, things make sense.
As Ember is able to communicate more to us, we are figuring out some of the reasons she cried as a baby. We always did our best, but sometimes just didn’t know what she wanted.
For instance, we were at a Christmas party with a table full of snacky foods. She started saying something, and whimpering, but because of the noise I couldn’t hear what she was saying. By the time I made out the word she was saying, she was heading towards a full blown cry.
“Cracker,” is what she had been asking for. Knowing her needs made the solution quite simple – give her a cracker. No problem. Crisis easily averted quietly and with no tantrum.
I love language!
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Apr 13, 2020
Heather noticed her four year-old scratching the back of his head.
She recalled him doing it the night before and her heart skipped a beat. It had been a late night with a hurried bath. They both fell asleep in his bed within minutes of lying down and she remembered how restless he had been. She remembered she had a dream about finding lice on him.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Mar 23, 2020
We all had key adults in our lives who guided us as children. Every one of us had adults who cared about us, fed us, clothed us, disciplined, and encouraged us. It might not have been your mom or dad, but there was someone.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 16, 2019
“Mom, this card says ‘Don’t worry about Nancy anymore,’” Ember says, as she hands me a sticky note she scribbled on. I wipe away a drifting tear, and take it from her. “Thanks, sweetie. Why shouldn’t I worry anymore?” I want to know what is happening in her mind, partly because I’m feeling guilty.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 24, 2019
Ember tumbled down a staircase last week!
I was following right behind her but wasn’t quick enough to catch her fall! She rolled from top to bottom. My heart still thumps like a drum in my chest when I think of it.
Mothering
The Ten Barriers Of Breastfeeding
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 01, 2017
There are 10 barriers or challenges in breastfeeding that can get between a breast and a baby. The Big Latch On is a worldwide event that addresses most of these issues.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 28, 2014
This week I find myself with a bit of writer’s block… My mind is scattered after being out of town for a week, the first half of the week spent camping with my little family, the second half of the week grieving the loss of a loved one on my husband side’s of the family.
Mothering
How Can I Leave My Baby? A New Mother’s Journey with Separation Anxiety
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 13, 2014
“Would we be able to enjoy ourselves at the concert if our minds were elsewhere thinking about our baby and her well being?” An answer that could not be determined…For 6 months leading up to the concerts, July 4th weekend, I had mini panic attacks filled with separation anxiety at the mere thought of leaving little Rita.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Apr 28, 2014
With gardening season in full swing, my daughter’s seemingly exponential pace and zest for life, my husband in Manhattan for work, dog sitting, and my GMO education outreach here in town, my head has just slowed to a stationary position (from full on spinning for the last couple days).
Mothering
Holding my Baby Through the Long Feverish Night
by Donna Bruschi on Feb 10, 2014
Perhaps the warm thaw of the last several days has you feeling like I do? I feel like there is an itch deep down that just needs to be scratched, the eternal itch for spring. The itch for new life, for many shades of green, the itch to spy a newly emerged crocus and to feel the caress of warm spring sunshine on your cheek!
