Mothering
Mothering
Ringing in the New Year- A Time for Reflection
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 01, 2024
As mothers we sit in a unique position! We have the ability to mold and shape mind sets for our whole family. Isn’t it almost always true that a happy mom is a happy family! Going beyond self improvement we can work with our family to create goals and mind sets we would all like to work on in the New Year, providing our children with a valuable framework for their future!
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 09, 2023
The quote of a wise individual comes to mind “There is no hurry bone in a young child’s body, you cannot rush a toddler.” In fact, when you try to rush a toddler it always seems to backfire and you spend even more time and end up with a frustrated child more times than not!
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Dec 22, 2022
The commotion was suddenly halted by a sharp cry coming from our bedroom. At this point Rita, a very able-bodied walker, whom I had watched just moments ago wander through the doorway into our room, now stumbled back out, crying and holding her hand to her eye.
Mothering
Wean Art: The Gentle Journey of Weaning a Toddler
by Donna Bruschi on Feb 04, 2022
At 25 months, our family weaned little Rita (Yes, dad played a big role too) from the breast. I knew it was our time, but yet as we moved closer to her last nursing sessions I felt uneasy. Reflecting on this, I feel it was fear of the unknown. As nursing was the one factor in our routines that had remained constant from birth to two years.
Mothering
The Best Gift....Especially in a Pandemic
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 24, 2021
Holidays can be a hard time for anyone, but 2020 may be the worst of all.
It's Thanksgiving Eve.
According to NYS Governor, Andrew Cuomo, in his November 23, 2020 press conference, the best way to show your extended family you love them, is to stay home. NYS has a mandated limit of 10 person get-togethers. We are supposed to eat outdoors, wear masks, and shorten the visits.
Mothering
What Solids Do I Start My Baby On?
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 07, 2021
When your 5 or 6 month old baby is watching you eat, gesturing for food, and sitting up (or almost), you are probably asking this question.
But, you're confused by popular feeding advice.
"Give them iron-fortified rice cereal." suggest many grandparents and pediatricians. Your friend Hannah's baby loves her homemade purees. Auntie Dani dropped off a bag of jarred and squeeze pouches of commercial "baby food." And, all over the internet, you keep stumbling over "baby-led weaning."
Rice cereal, the headless dinosaur is still thrashing its deadly tail of malnutrition.
The call to feed your baby rice cereal, as the magic bullet to fill them up and make them sleep better, is brought to you by the same people, who complain that Chinese food doesn't fill you up because... "It's all rice."
Same food.
Polished white rice is not filling, it's not nutritious and it's not a good first baby food. On the other hand, whole grain brown rice is an acceptable first food.
Your BFF Hannah's Homemade Purees
Gotta love Hannah and her insatiable drive to nurture and nourish. Homemade purees are generally nutritious, and nutrient dense. They meet the need for baby food, in as a natural state, as possible. And they can make up a part of your baby's first foods. But by 6 months, babies need texture. Purees are made for 2-6 month old formula-fed babies who have maxed out their daily formula intake.
Auntie Dani means well. She sure does.
Baby food is EXPENSIVE on a pound-for-pound basis. And her contribution to your budget is well-meaning and generous. And convenient. Toss those packs in your diaper bag, and watch your baby happily chow down on them, each time you to forget the "real lunch" you packed for your baby... and left on the counter.
Which brings us to baby-led weaning.
Baby-led weaning (BLW) is a confusing phrase in the US. "Baby-led" is clear enough, but 'weaning' is confusing, when used in this context. Americans generally use weaning to mean ENDING breast or bottle feeding. In baby-led weaning, weaning is used with the original meaning, of ADDING FOOD, to a baby's milk diet.
Baby-led weaning means that babies start eating solid foods by picking up food and feeding themselves. They learn how to eat by watching, taste, texture, trial and error.
Real babies need real food.
In whatever form you decide to start, use nutrient dense "real food" - meat, vegetables, fruit & whole grains. Feed your baby foods in as close to their natural state as possible. Food on the table should mostly look like the original plant or animal meat.
Apple sauce, avocado, banana, cooked beans, blueberries, broccoli, hamburger, diced chicken, mashed or shredded carrots, chopped mango, french cut green beans, oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa, sweet potato and diced pears are all common first foods!
Some people use whole grain oatmeal as a base food and add fruits and vegetables to that. Some people start with all veggies, followed by fruits, in the hopes that their baby won't develop a preference for sweet foods. While there seems to be some merit to this theory, a broad diet using all the flavors is much more interesting than a "mono" diet.
Your baby's diet needs yoga!
Ayurvedic (from India) cooking classifies salty, bitter, sour, astringent, sweet and pungent as "the six tastes." Work to include a little bit of each taste, in every meal and your baby's senses will be satisfied. Everyone has preferences, including your baby, and introducing a variety of tastes helps to balance strong preference. Ayurveda also recommends a mix of wet and dry, cold and warm, light and heavy foods.
Introduce a variety of textures and tastes. Puree was developed and marketed in a time when formula-fed babies started foods at a younger age and needed drinkable food. At 6 months, babies can start with semi-soft, chunky, wet and dry foods. Watch when your baby eats- stay nearby- they will gag and cough! As long as they are coughing, they are OK. They will figure it out and learn to eat without gagging.
By the middle of the first year, most babies are very interested in chewing and biting. Biting and gumming food strengthens their jaw and flattens their palate, which helps to make enough room for teeth. Different textures keep meals interesting.
Boxed and canned food is less nutritious and more expensive.
Most boxed and canned food has lost its nutrition in an effort to keep it shelf stable. In addition, it is exposed to plastics which are absorbed into the food. These plastics are often known endocrine disrupters. We know these are bad, but we don't know how bad, yet.
Corn is $1 a bag in the frozen food section and $4 a bag as tortilla chips. Boxed cereal costs $5-10 per pound and contains sugar, and whole grains are $1-5 per pound and have complex carbohydrates.
What NOT to eat is important.
You can feed any food except honey, and foods you or other family members, are allergic to. Raw honey may have botulism spores which is harmless to children and adults, but babies have a weaker immune system and are vulnerable to botulism poisoning. Curiously, this also include the popular Honey Nut Cheerios, which are not processed at high enough heat to kill botulism.
Artificial food colors and nitrates in processed meat aren't good for babies, either.
While you are breastfeeding, there is no need for dairy foods in the forms of yogurt, cheese, or liquid milk. Cow's milk nutrients are mostly the same, but in different proportions. Your milk is the perfect balance of protein, fat and sugar for a human baby or toddler.
On a related note, grain and nut milks are not that nutritious, and are highly processed. Give your child the nut or grain instead, and a glass of water.
When to mix it up?
Feed one food for 3 to 4 days, then add a new food. If there are any allergies, then you know which food is causing it. Food reactions can take many forms. It might be sleeplessness or irritability. Rashes are common and may look like flushed red cheeks, a bulls-eye around the anus, chapping around the mouth, or a pimply sandpaper rash that covers large areas of skin. Diarrhea, vomiting, and constipation are also common signs of a sensitivity or allergy.
During the first few months, focus on offering foods and helping your baby to experiment with new sensations and tastes. While some babies dive right in, others take their time. Continue breastfeeding about the same amount you always have and offer food as an add-on. Your baby will naturally imitate you and eat more food as they gain skill and knowledge.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 18, 2020
I have been thinking a lot about trusting my instincts as a mother.
Sometimes that is easier said than done, especially when someone in an authority position (a doctor, a teacher, a specialist,) or someone whose approval I seek (my mother, my partner, my friend,) is telling me that something I am doing, is wrong.
It can be enormously frustrating and it recently happened to me.
Mothering
How Much Does A Lactation Consultant Cost?
by Donna Bruschi on Oct 07, 2020
When you are researching, it may seem that using a free or low cost Lactation Consultant is the best way to start. Another way of thinking is that if you never breastfed before, an excellent Lactation Consultant will shorten your learning curve and prevent problems that will cost you even more money. But how do you know?
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Sep 26, 2020
By Donna Bruschi
You came to me as a small fish: frantic, untiring, unceasing
Swimming upstream to the place of your birth
Your only need, to reach the headwaters.
At that moment, I knew and surrendered
And a spring deep inside me sprang.
And I held you.
You asked me to fill a pond and I did.
In time, your incessant demands pushed forth a tiny stream.
Droplets skittering over my being, your essence seeping into my dust
Each day a new gush, another groove, cut and deepened
And still you spurted forth,
Carving me in ways I didn’t expect
You dribbled and babbled and always, I held you,
New shoots sprang up in your presence, needing tender care
The spring thaw always eroded.
Unearthing pebbles, then rocks
Carrying them, bump. bump.
While you gurgled and rushed, seeking the path of least resistance.
Gaining momentum, deepening, broadening
Overrunning your banks, flooding me
Gouging me, eroding my boundaries
Always shaping and cutting your own path.
Always following the path of least resistance
In your retreat, detritus and silt to be cleaned or absorbed
An aerial reveals switchbacks and impossible twists
That make no sense
Until you are walking the banks, walking the lay of the land.
An eddy formed, a deep swirling in my unceasing efforts to hold you.
I admired how the sun cracked into a million diamonds on your skin
You fell silent, biding your time, building strength, seeking an outlet
With a thundering roar as you exploded over the edge,
A thing of unimaginable beauty
My heart stopped as you went over
That unstoppable, terrifying, endless plummet
Only to land in another eddy, and me grasping, to hold you
Yet forward you moved, dragging rocks, trees, pieces of my heart
Your power fluid, spellbinding
I was awestruck, lovestruck…watching you go in your churning
You embraced, then sidestepped boulders
One day, I held you one last time and then, you were gone
The swells of the ocean pulled you in and you swam away.
I watched for awhile, sad and happy, adding my tears to the confluence
Grateful for the spring that still nourishes my heart
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jun 15, 2020
By Lisa Bullard (Originally published January 2013)
First of all, Happy New Year!!!
May 2013 bring everyone much joy, harmony, and love!
On a more mundane note, my thoughts have been scattered for, oh, about 17 months now . . .
I’m bringing this up because I just couldn’t figure out what to write for the newsletter and I realized it was because this is what was going on:
Me thinking: I could write about how amazing language is and I . .
Me talking: “Wait! Ember, honey, we can’t climb on that shelf! Yikes! Here. Would you like to draw? Here are some crayons and paper.”
Me thinking: Okay, so yeah, I just can’t believe babies' drive to learn, and how we all had to learn to talk, and how much vocabulary we all store in our memories. I could write . . .
Ember: Holding a crayon dangerously near my eyes: “Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.”
Me: “Oh, you want me to draw?”
You get the picture.
In fact, as a parent, I’m sure you also live the picture! Anyway, one day I finally hit a nap time when I had a chance to sit, think and write. I want to share that as I watch Ember learn to talk, I realize just how incredible our drive to communicate is! To think that we all had to learn the vocabulary we use word by word!
In hindsight, things make sense.
As Ember is able to communicate more to us, we are figuring out some of the reasons she cried as a baby. We always did our best, but sometimes just didn’t know what she wanted.
For instance, we were at a Christmas party with a table full of snacky foods. She started saying something, and whimpering, but because of the noise I couldn’t hear what she was saying. By the time I made out the word she was saying, she was heading towards a full blown cry.
“Cracker,” is what she had been asking for. Knowing her needs made the solution quite simple – give her a cracker. No problem. Crisis easily averted quietly and with no tantrum.
I love language!
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on May 28, 2020
How can families who breastfeed get the most sleep every night? And protect their precious baby from harm, while doing so?Soon after beginning breastfeeding, nearly every breastfeeding parent has fallen asleep while breastfeeding, without regard to safety. The stark warnings against sleeping with your baby, fade into a haze of exhaustion. It is a dangerous way of dealing with a life and death problem, that has a fairly easy solution. Setting up a safe sleep environment for your whole family, including your baby, is easy.
Mothering
How Long Are You Going to Nurse That Baby?
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 26, 2020
Many mothers know the answer to this question before their baby is even born.
"A year"
"6 months"
"Until I go back to work"
"If I like it"
"Until my baby is 4"
It's a question with many answers.
Breastfeeding is feeding and so much more. Babies also nurse because they are tired, overwhelmed, lonely, thirsty, sick, in pain, bored, cold, hot, or 89 other reasons. Nursing at a mother's breast stimulates or calms all the senses. It creates and completes a safe habitat for a baby.
The obvious answer if you are a baby is "As long as I need to."
Most babies, if allowed, will wean without any help between ages 2 and 6 years. The normal course of breastfeeding offers many immune and health benefits, optimal nutrition (or complementary nutrition), and emotional security. It creates a bond between mother and child that is intuitive and intimate.
Mothers have reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers and type 2 diabetes, have reduced fertility, have more stable hormone levels and many other benefits.
You may feel shocked or disgusted when you first learn about nursing toddlers or preschoolers.
Its just not something that happens often in the United States. It seems overwhelming when you are struggling to nurse a new baby, to think that you might have to do THIS for 5 more years.
As you continue nursing and it becomes more enjoyable, if you know someone else who breastfed longer, you tend to pay more attention to what your baby is telling you. When you learn that 17% of US children are obese, or someone in your family has breast cancer or lymphoma, you may also consider continuing, but the real change in your commitment happens when you are in a community that supports extended breastfeeding.
If you are planning on ending breastfeeding less than a year, you will find a lot of support, in our culture, for weaning.
Around 12 months, many babies lose interest in nursing because they are eating a lot of food, so they aren't hungry and they are busy learning physical skills like walking or climbing which take them away from mom.
At this stage, babies wean easily by substituting enough food, drink and other comfort measures. Not surprisingly only about 5% of American babies make it past this benchmark. If you encourage and offer the breast, you can keep all, except for the most independent baby, breastfeeding.
After one year.
There is a developmental shift that happens between 18 and 24 months where babies start returning to their mothers for comfort. if you are still nursing, you will most likely be very surprised to find that your previously independent toddler has started nursing as much as a newborn!
You may be alarmed and afraid that you have done something wrong. If you go with it, setting limits where necessary to keep yourself comfortable, this stage will usually pass into less frequent nursing over the course of a few months.
As the toddler grows, many mothers start to experience discomfort while nursing.
It might be physical because of gymnastic nursing moves, or a pregnancy. It might be emotional because of the greater intimacy demanded by the child.
Two and three year olds want to connect with you while they nurse. They claim your body as their own. They will stare at your body, insist on holding the other breast, have a fit if they can't nurse or hold the nipple or nurse in a particular position or side.
Probably there is nothing in your upbringing that has prepared you for this kind of relationship.
The closest experience you can probably compare it to is one with an adult sexual partner. When you do that, the toddler nursing relationship suddenly seems creepy and invasive. You just would not let a partner treat you that way.
That creepy feeling can be overwhelming.
It feels uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. Many women state: "I just want my body back." and quit.
Our American culture has totally skewed our definition of normal loving behavior. Intimacy in America is defined by candle-lit dinners, lingerie and sex. Many of us are not comfortable with our bodies and body fluids. We are not comfortable with others touching us, even in positive loving ways.
We are not comfortable with how much cuddling and touching babies need. We are not comfortable being a dyad with our babies.
Pay attention to what is happening when you feel uncomfortable.
Is it when you are home, alone, relaxing with your baby? Or is it when you have to answer questions about why your toddler is nursing.
Is it because you have a long list of things to do? Is it because of something that happened to you when you were a child?
Is it because you are pregnant or tandem nursing?
There are no right or wrong answers.
Extended nursing is a journey into yourself and what makes you tick. It consistently points you in the direction of having to be a more patient, compassionate, loving person.
Sometimes it makes you so angry or impatient that you can't take it anymore. You don't believe you can find any more patience.
When this happens, one thing that always helps is to look at your nursing toddler as a baby trying to grow up. Very few mothers set out to nurse a 4 year old, but they keep going because they see the baby in their child. That's good! Consciously relaxing during a breastfeeding session can help you be be that person.
Always remember that your body is your body.
You must have some rules about what happens to it. When you have this kind of clarity, your child may fight it, but eventually, they will do it your way. Nursing is too important to them and they don't want to lose it completely.
Another thing that helps is to have a friend or a mentor who can listen to you when you are ready to quit, which may be happening hourly or daily! They help remind you that all babies wean on their own when they are ready; that every minute you breastfeed really matters to your child; that this is a relationship between you and your baby; and that you can quit if you want to.
Babies take a long time to grow up.
Time plays weird tricks on your mind. Some things happen fast and some happen slowly. A nursing relationship creates a person who is compassionate and loving. It gives you an easy way to handle many, many situations.
It helps you to pay attention to your child and what they are needing. It makes it easy to understand and talk to your children even when they are older.
My job is to encourage and support you to nurse your baby. I would be thrilled if each and every one of you suddenly decided to nurse until your child was done. I know that's not going to happen, because many of you are going to have situations where you are going to think: "It is impossible to continue."
My question to you is: "Why is that?" and whatever you answer is the right answer.
My love to you and your family....
Donna
845-750-4402
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 16, 2019
“Mom, this card says ‘Don’t worry about Nancy anymore,’” Ember says, as she hands me a sticky note she scribbled on. I wipe away a drifting tear, and take it from her. “Thanks, sweetie. Why shouldn’t I worry anymore?” I want to know what is happening in her mind, partly because I’m feeling guilty.
Mothering
How Can I Leave My Baby? A New Mother’s Journey with Separation Anxiety
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 13, 2014
“Would we be able to enjoy ourselves at the concert if our minds were elsewhere thinking about our baby and her well being?” An answer that could not be determined…For 6 months leading up to the concerts, July 4th weekend, I had mini panic attacks filled with separation anxiety at the mere thought of leaving little Rita.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 05, 2013
On a more mundane note, my thoughts have been scattered for, oh, about 17 months now . . .
I’m bringing this up because I just couldn’t figure out what to write for the newsletter and I realized it was because this is what was going on...
