Holidays can be a hard time for anyone, but 2020 may be the worst of all. It's Thanksgiving Eve. According to NYS Governor, Andrew Cuomo, in his November 23, 2020 press conference, the best way to show your extended family you love them, is to stay home. NYS has a mandated limit of 10 person get-togethers. We are supposed to eat outdoors, wear masks, and shorten the visits.

"I was the loneliest person in the world. My baby and I were spiraling down into a living hell..." My baby cried all the time, refusing to be held by anyone but me. I cried all the time. The pain of the surgery amplified by cracked, burning nipples and the agony of frustration, sadness and betrayal. And then it got worse.  

Temper tantrums are a cry for help. When having a meltdown, your child is totally overwhelmed and needs support. Unfortunately, few parents received support for their strong feelings as children or learned even basic skills for working through a tantrum.

By Lisa Bullard (Originally published January 2013) First of all, Happy New Year!!! May 2013 bring everyone much joy, harmony, and love! On a more mundane note, my thoughts have been scattered for, oh, about 17 months now . . . I’m bringing this up because I just couldn’t figure out what to write for the newsletter and I realized it was because this is what was going on: Me thinking: I could write about how amazing language is and I . . Me talking: “Wait! Ember, honey, we can’t climb on that shelf! Yikes! Here. Would you like to draw? Here are some crayons and paper.” Me thinking: Okay, so yeah, I just can’t believe babies' drive to learn, and how we all had to learn to talk, and how much vocabulary we all store in our memories. I could write . . . Ember: Holding a crayon dangerously near my eyes: “Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.” Me: “Oh, you want me to draw?” You get the picture. In fact, as a parent, I’m sure you also live the picture!  Anyway, one day I finally hit a nap time when I had a chance to sit, think and write. I want to share that as I watch Ember learn to talk, I realize just how incredible our drive to communicate is! To think that we all had to learn the vocabulary we use word by word! In hindsight, things make sense. As Ember is able to communicate more to us, we are figuring out some of the reasons she cried as a baby. We always did our best, but sometimes just didn’t know what she wanted. For instance, we were at a Christmas party with a table full of snacky foods. She started saying something, and whimpering, but because of the noise I couldn’t hear what she was saying. By the time I made out the word she was saying, she was heading towards a full blown cry. “Cracker,” is what she had been asking for.  Knowing her needs made the solution quite simple – give her a cracker. No problem. Crisis easily averted quietly and with no tantrum. I love language!

We all had key adults in our lives who guided us as children. Every one of us had adults who cared about us, fed us, clothed us, disciplined, and encouraged us. It might not have been your mom or dad, but there was someone.

Many mothers know the answer to this question before their baby is even born. "A year" "6 months" "Until I go back to work" "If I like it" "Until my baby is 4" It's a question with many answers. Breastfeeding is feeding and so much more. Babies also nurse because they are tired, overwhelmed, lonely, thirsty, sick, in pain, bored, cold, hot, or 89 other reasons. Nursing at a mother's breast stimulates or calms all the senses. It creates and completes a safe habitat for a baby. The obvious answer if you are a baby is "As long as I need to." Most babies, if allowed, will wean without any help between ages 2 and 6 years. The normal course of breastfeeding offers many immune and health benefits, optimal nutrition (or complementary nutrition), and emotional security. It creates a bond between mother and child that is intuitive and intimate.  Mothers have reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers and type 2 diabetes, have reduced fertility, have more stable hormone levels and many other benefits. You may feel shocked or disgusted when you first learn about nursing toddlers or preschoolers. Its just not something that happens often in the United States. It seems overwhelming when you are struggling to nurse a new baby, to think that you might  have to do THIS for 5 more years. As you continue nursing and it becomes more enjoyable, if you know someone else who breastfed longer, you tend to pay more attention to what your baby is telling you. When you learn that 17% of US children are obese, or someone in your family has breast cancer or lymphoma, you may also consider continuing, but the real change in your commitment happens when you are in a community that supports extended breastfeeding. If you are planning on ending breastfeeding less than a year, you will find a lot of support, in our culture, for weaning. Around 12 months, many babies lose interest in nursing because they are eating a lot of food, so they aren't hungry and they are busy learning physical skills like walking or climbing which take them away from mom. At this stage, babies wean easily by substituting enough food, drink and other comfort measures. Not surprisingly only about 5% of American babies make it past this benchmark. If you encourage and offer the breast, you can keep all, except for the most independent baby, breastfeeding. After one year. There is a developmental shift that happens between 18 and 24 months where babies start returning to their mothers for comfort. if you are still nursing, you will most likely be very surprised to find that your previously independent toddler has started nursing as much as a newborn! You may be alarmed and afraid that you have done something wrong. If you go with it, setting limits where necessary to keep yourself comfortable, this stage will usually pass into less frequent nursing over the course of a few months. As the toddler grows, many mothers start to experience discomfort while nursing. It might be physical because of gymnastic nursing moves, or a pregnancy. It might be emotional because of the greater intimacy demanded by the child. Two and three year olds want to connect with you while they nurse. They claim your body as their own. They will stare at your body, insist on holding the other breast, have a fit if they can't nurse or hold the nipple or nurse in a particular position or side. Probably there is nothing in your upbringing that has prepared you for this kind of relationship. The closest experience you can probably compare it to is one with an adult sexual partner. When you do that, the toddler nursing relationship suddenly seems creepy and invasive. You just would not let a partner treat you that way. That creepy feeling can be overwhelming. It feels uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. Many women state: "I just want my body back." and quit. Our American culture has totally skewed our definition of normal loving behavior. Intimacy in America is defined by candle-lit dinners, lingerie and sex. Many of us are not comfortable with our bodies and body fluids. We are not comfortable with others touching us, even in positive loving ways. We are not comfortable with how much cuddling and touching babies need. We are not comfortable being a dyad with our babies. Pay attention to what is happening when you feel uncomfortable. Is it when you are home, alone, relaxing with your baby? Or is it when you have to answer questions about why your toddler is nursing. Is it because you have a long list of things to do? Is it because of something that happened to you when you were a child? Is it because you are pregnant or tandem nursing? There are no right or wrong answers. Extended nursing is a journey into yourself and what makes you tick. It consistently points you in the direction of having to be a more patient, compassionate, loving person. Sometimes it makes you so angry or impatient that you can't take it anymore. You don't believe you can find any more patience. When this happens, one thing that always helps is to look at your nursing toddler as a baby trying to grow up. Very few mothers set out to nurse a 4 year old, but they keep going because they see the baby in their child. That's good! Consciously relaxing during a breastfeeding session can help you be be that person. Always remember that your body is your body. You must have some rules about what happens to it. When you have this kind of clarity, your child may fight it, but eventually, they will do it your way. Nursing is too important to them and they don't want to lose it completely. Another thing that helps is to have a friend or a mentor who can listen to you when you are ready to quit, which may be happening hourly or daily! They help remind you that all babies wean on their own when they are ready; that every minute you breastfeed really matters to your child; that this is a relationship between you and your baby; and that you can quit if you want to. Babies take a long time to grow up. Time plays weird tricks on your mind. Some things happen fast and some happen slowly. A nursing relationship creates a person who is compassionate and loving. It gives you an easy way to handle many, many situations. It helps you to pay attention to your child and what they are needing. It makes it easy to understand and talk to your children even when they are older. My job is to encourage and support you to nurse your baby. I would be thrilled if each and every one of you suddenly decided to nurse until your child was done. I know that's not going to happen, because many of you are going to have situations where you are going to think: "It is impossible to continue." My question to you is: "Why is that?" and whatever you answer is the right answer. My love to you and your family.... Donna 845-750-4402

One year old Maya was taking her first steps when she abruptly face-planted, startling herself and bumping her head. Her daddy scooped her up and snuggled her in. "You're OK! You're OK. You didn't hurt yourself. You are fine. You did it! You walked!"

Holidays can be a hard time for almost everyone. It's hard not to get caught up in the gift giving frenzy, the decorating, the cooking, or the planning of a special event.  The expectations are overwhelming.

Too much TV, not enough fresh air… We get irritated more quickly, our attention spans have shortened and we are all sick of indoor activities, we are continually seeking inspiration no longer found indoors! When Rita was first born she did not watch TV, it seemed obvious to us there was no need for a newborn to be placed in front of the tube. The same went for her whole first year. Then the winter of her second year hit.

My mom (who had three kids, and apparently amnesia) asked more than once how I could stand it when all three kids were all crying. I would said, "This is nothing. I don't think it's bad until I'm crying."

Independence Day, 2011. Today is a bittersweet day that marks the end of an era. 17 years ago, I was a week overdue with my first baby. I was feeling heavy and nauseous, and not from too many hotdogs or Pina Coladas, either. I wasn't in labor, but I was sure wishing I was. It was a Monday--just like this year.