Mothering
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 09, 2023
The quote of a wise individual comes to mind “There is no hurry bone in a young child’s body, you cannot rush a toddler.” In fact, when you try to rush a toddler it always seems to backfire and you spend even more time and end up with a frustrated child more times than not!
Mothering
How come you're nursing? You're not a tiny baby!
by Donna Bruschi on Feb 23, 2023
Recently, my 2 ½ year old daughter and I were at the library socializing with other children her age. A nursing toddler, a little girl, Rita’s size, caught her eye. She hurried over and asked “Are you nursing?” The mother replied “Yes.” politely, while the nursing toddler continued breastfeeding.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Dec 22, 2022
The commotion was suddenly halted by a sharp cry coming from our bedroom. At this point Rita, a very able-bodied walker, whom I had watched just moments ago wander through the doorway into our room, now stumbled back out, crying and holding her hand to her eye.
Mothering
Wean Art: The Gentle Journey of Weaning a Toddler
by Donna Bruschi on Feb 04, 2022
At 25 months, our family weaned little Rita (Yes, dad played a big role too) from the breast. I knew it was our time, but yet as we moved closer to her last nursing sessions I felt uneasy. Reflecting on this, I feel it was fear of the unknown. As nursing was the one factor in our routines that had remained constant from birth to two years.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Sep 11, 2021
Ember has squirmed and cried on our flights.
And breastfed with her feet kicking a minister in the seat next to us, and pooped mid-air. To soothe my anxiety, I asked other moms for their best travel advice. Here are some of the useful tips I received.
Mothering
What Solids Do I Start My Baby On?
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 07, 2021
When your 5 or 6 month old baby is watching you eat, gesturing for food, and sitting up (or almost), you are probably asking this question.
But, you're confused by popular feeding advice.
"Give them iron-fortified rice cereal." suggest many grandparents and pediatricians. Your friend Hannah's baby loves her homemade purees. Auntie Dani dropped off a bag of jarred and squeeze pouches of commercial "baby food." And, all over the internet, you keep stumbling over "baby-led weaning."
Rice cereal, the headless dinosaur is still thrashing its deadly tail of malnutrition.
The call to feed your baby rice cereal, as the magic bullet to fill them up and make them sleep better, is brought to you by the same people, who complain that Chinese food doesn't fill you up because... "It's all rice."
Same food.
Polished white rice is not filling, it's not nutritious and it's not a good first baby food. On the other hand, whole grain brown rice is an acceptable first food.
Your BFF Hannah's Homemade Purees
Gotta love Hannah and her insatiable drive to nurture and nourish. Homemade purees are generally nutritious, and nutrient dense. They meet the need for baby food, in as a natural state, as possible. And they can make up a part of your baby's first foods. But by 6 months, babies need texture. Purees are made for 2-6 month old formula-fed babies who have maxed out their daily formula intake.
Auntie Dani means well. She sure does.
Baby food is EXPENSIVE on a pound-for-pound basis. And her contribution to your budget is well-meaning and generous. And convenient. Toss those packs in your diaper bag, and watch your baby happily chow down on them, each time you to forget the "real lunch" you packed for your baby... and left on the counter.
Which brings us to baby-led weaning.
Baby-led weaning (BLW) is a confusing phrase in the US. "Baby-led" is clear enough, but 'weaning' is confusing, when used in this context. Americans generally use weaning to mean ENDING breast or bottle feeding. In baby-led weaning, weaning is used with the original meaning, of ADDING FOOD, to a baby's milk diet.
Baby-led weaning means that babies start eating solid foods by picking up food and feeding themselves. They learn how to eat by watching, taste, texture, trial and error.
Real babies need real food.
In whatever form you decide to start, use nutrient dense "real food" - meat, vegetables, fruit & whole grains. Feed your baby foods in as close to their natural state as possible. Food on the table should mostly look like the original plant or animal meat.
Apple sauce, avocado, banana, cooked beans, blueberries, broccoli, hamburger, diced chicken, mashed or shredded carrots, chopped mango, french cut green beans, oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa, sweet potato and diced pears are all common first foods!
Some people use whole grain oatmeal as a base food and add fruits and vegetables to that. Some people start with all veggies, followed by fruits, in the hopes that their baby won't develop a preference for sweet foods. While there seems to be some merit to this theory, a broad diet using all the flavors is much more interesting than a "mono" diet.
Your baby's diet needs yoga!
Ayurvedic (from India) cooking classifies salty, bitter, sour, astringent, sweet and pungent as "the six tastes." Work to include a little bit of each taste, in every meal and your baby's senses will be satisfied. Everyone has preferences, including your baby, and introducing a variety of tastes helps to balance strong preference. Ayurveda also recommends a mix of wet and dry, cold and warm, light and heavy foods.
Introduce a variety of textures and tastes. Puree was developed and marketed in a time when formula-fed babies started foods at a younger age and needed drinkable food. At 6 months, babies can start with semi-soft, chunky, wet and dry foods. Watch when your baby eats- stay nearby- they will gag and cough! As long as they are coughing, they are OK. They will figure it out and learn to eat without gagging.
By the middle of the first year, most babies are very interested in chewing and biting. Biting and gumming food strengthens their jaw and flattens their palate, which helps to make enough room for teeth. Different textures keep meals interesting.
Boxed and canned food is less nutritious and more expensive.
Most boxed and canned food has lost its nutrition in an effort to keep it shelf stable. In addition, it is exposed to plastics which are absorbed into the food. These plastics are often known endocrine disrupters. We know these are bad, but we don't know how bad, yet.
Corn is $1 a bag in the frozen food section and $4 a bag as tortilla chips. Boxed cereal costs $5-10 per pound and contains sugar, and whole grains are $1-5 per pound and have complex carbohydrates.
What NOT to eat is important.
You can feed any food except honey, and foods you or other family members, are allergic to. Raw honey may have botulism spores which is harmless to children and adults, but babies have a weaker immune system and are vulnerable to botulism poisoning. Curiously, this also include the popular Honey Nut Cheerios, which are not processed at high enough heat to kill botulism.
Artificial food colors and nitrates in processed meat aren't good for babies, either.
While you are breastfeeding, there is no need for dairy foods in the forms of yogurt, cheese, or liquid milk. Cow's milk nutrients are mostly the same, but in different proportions. Your milk is the perfect balance of protein, fat and sugar for a human baby or toddler.
On a related note, grain and nut milks are not that nutritious, and are highly processed. Give your child the nut or grain instead, and a glass of water.
When to mix it up?
Feed one food for 3 to 4 days, then add a new food. If there are any allergies, then you know which food is causing it. Food reactions can take many forms. It might be sleeplessness or irritability. Rashes are common and may look like flushed red cheeks, a bulls-eye around the anus, chapping around the mouth, or a pimply sandpaper rash that covers large areas of skin. Diarrhea, vomiting, and constipation are also common signs of a sensitivity or allergy.
During the first few months, focus on offering foods and helping your baby to experiment with new sensations and tastes. While some babies dive right in, others take their time. Continue breastfeeding about the same amount you always have and offer food as an add-on. Your baby will naturally imitate you and eat more food as they gain skill and knowledge.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Nov 08, 2020
Temper tantrums are a cry for help.
When having a meltdown, your child is totally overwhelmed and needs support. Unfortunately, few parents received support for their strong feelings as children or learned even basic skills for working through a tantrum.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jun 15, 2020
By Lisa Bullard (Originally published January 2013)
First of all, Happy New Year!!!
May 2013 bring everyone much joy, harmony, and love!
On a more mundane note, my thoughts have been scattered for, oh, about 17 months now . . .
I’m bringing this up because I just couldn’t figure out what to write for the newsletter and I realized it was because this is what was going on:
Me thinking: I could write about how amazing language is and I . .
Me talking: “Wait! Ember, honey, we can’t climb on that shelf! Yikes! Here. Would you like to draw? Here are some crayons and paper.”
Me thinking: Okay, so yeah, I just can’t believe babies' drive to learn, and how we all had to learn to talk, and how much vocabulary we all store in our memories. I could write . . .
Ember: Holding a crayon dangerously near my eyes: “Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.”
Me: “Oh, you want me to draw?”
You get the picture.
In fact, as a parent, I’m sure you also live the picture! Anyway, one day I finally hit a nap time when I had a chance to sit, think and write. I want to share that as I watch Ember learn to talk, I realize just how incredible our drive to communicate is! To think that we all had to learn the vocabulary we use word by word!
In hindsight, things make sense.
As Ember is able to communicate more to us, we are figuring out some of the reasons she cried as a baby. We always did our best, but sometimes just didn’t know what she wanted.
For instance, we were at a Christmas party with a table full of snacky foods. She started saying something, and whimpering, but because of the noise I couldn’t hear what she was saying. By the time I made out the word she was saying, she was heading towards a full blown cry.
“Cracker,” is what she had been asking for. Knowing her needs made the solution quite simple – give her a cracker. No problem. Crisis easily averted quietly and with no tantrum.
I love language!
Mothering
How Long Are You Going to Nurse That Baby?
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 26, 2020
Many mothers know the answer to this question before their baby is even born.
"A year"
"6 months"
"Until I go back to work"
"If I like it"
"Until my baby is 4"
It's a question with many answers.
Breastfeeding is feeding and so much more. Babies also nurse because they are tired, overwhelmed, lonely, thirsty, sick, in pain, bored, cold, hot, or 89 other reasons. Nursing at a mother's breast stimulates or calms all the senses. It creates and completes a safe habitat for a baby.
The obvious answer if you are a baby is "As long as I need to."
Most babies, if allowed, will wean without any help between ages 2 and 6 years. The normal course of breastfeeding offers many immune and health benefits, optimal nutrition (or complementary nutrition), and emotional security. It creates a bond between mother and child that is intuitive and intimate.
Mothers have reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers and type 2 diabetes, have reduced fertility, have more stable hormone levels and many other benefits.
You may feel shocked or disgusted when you first learn about nursing toddlers or preschoolers.
Its just not something that happens often in the United States. It seems overwhelming when you are struggling to nurse a new baby, to think that you might have to do THIS for 5 more years.
As you continue nursing and it becomes more enjoyable, if you know someone else who breastfed longer, you tend to pay more attention to what your baby is telling you. When you learn that 17% of US children are obese, or someone in your family has breast cancer or lymphoma, you may also consider continuing, but the real change in your commitment happens when you are in a community that supports extended breastfeeding.
If you are planning on ending breastfeeding less than a year, you will find a lot of support, in our culture, for weaning.
Around 12 months, many babies lose interest in nursing because they are eating a lot of food, so they aren't hungry and they are busy learning physical skills like walking or climbing which take them away from mom.
At this stage, babies wean easily by substituting enough food, drink and other comfort measures. Not surprisingly only about 5% of American babies make it past this benchmark. If you encourage and offer the breast, you can keep all, except for the most independent baby, breastfeeding.
After one year.
There is a developmental shift that happens between 18 and 24 months where babies start returning to their mothers for comfort. if you are still nursing, you will most likely be very surprised to find that your previously independent toddler has started nursing as much as a newborn!
You may be alarmed and afraid that you have done something wrong. If you go with it, setting limits where necessary to keep yourself comfortable, this stage will usually pass into less frequent nursing over the course of a few months.
As the toddler grows, many mothers start to experience discomfort while nursing.
It might be physical because of gymnastic nursing moves, or a pregnancy. It might be emotional because of the greater intimacy demanded by the child.
Two and three year olds want to connect with you while they nurse. They claim your body as their own. They will stare at your body, insist on holding the other breast, have a fit if they can't nurse or hold the nipple or nurse in a particular position or side.
Probably there is nothing in your upbringing that has prepared you for this kind of relationship.
The closest experience you can probably compare it to is one with an adult sexual partner. When you do that, the toddler nursing relationship suddenly seems creepy and invasive. You just would not let a partner treat you that way.
That creepy feeling can be overwhelming.
It feels uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. Many women state: "I just want my body back." and quit.
Our American culture has totally skewed our definition of normal loving behavior. Intimacy in America is defined by candle-lit dinners, lingerie and sex. Many of us are not comfortable with our bodies and body fluids. We are not comfortable with others touching us, even in positive loving ways.
We are not comfortable with how much cuddling and touching babies need. We are not comfortable being a dyad with our babies.
Pay attention to what is happening when you feel uncomfortable.
Is it when you are home, alone, relaxing with your baby? Or is it when you have to answer questions about why your toddler is nursing.
Is it because you have a long list of things to do? Is it because of something that happened to you when you were a child?
Is it because you are pregnant or tandem nursing?
There are no right or wrong answers.
Extended nursing is a journey into yourself and what makes you tick. It consistently points you in the direction of having to be a more patient, compassionate, loving person.
Sometimes it makes you so angry or impatient that you can't take it anymore. You don't believe you can find any more patience.
When this happens, one thing that always helps is to look at your nursing toddler as a baby trying to grow up. Very few mothers set out to nurse a 4 year old, but they keep going because they see the baby in their child. That's good! Consciously relaxing during a breastfeeding session can help you be be that person.
Always remember that your body is your body.
You must have some rules about what happens to it. When you have this kind of clarity, your child may fight it, but eventually, they will do it your way. Nursing is too important to them and they don't want to lose it completely.
Another thing that helps is to have a friend or a mentor who can listen to you when you are ready to quit, which may be happening hourly or daily! They help remind you that all babies wean on their own when they are ready; that every minute you breastfeed really matters to your child; that this is a relationship between you and your baby; and that you can quit if you want to.
Babies take a long time to grow up.
Time plays weird tricks on your mind. Some things happen fast and some happen slowly. A nursing relationship creates a person who is compassionate and loving. It gives you an easy way to handle many, many situations.
It helps you to pay attention to your child and what they are needing. It makes it easy to understand and talk to your children even when they are older.
My job is to encourage and support you to nurse your baby. I would be thrilled if each and every one of you suddenly decided to nurse until your child was done. I know that's not going to happen, because many of you are going to have situations where you are going to think: "It is impossible to continue."
My question to you is: "Why is that?" and whatever you answer is the right answer.
My love to you and your family....
Donna
845-750-4402
Mothering
You're OK - Be a Better Mom Without Doing Anything!
by Donna Bruschi on Jan 19, 2020
One year old Maya was taking her first steps when she abruptly face-planted, startling herself and bumping her head. Her daddy scooped her up and snuggled her in.
"You're OK! You're OK. You didn't hurt yourself. You are fine. You did it! You walked!"
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Sep 21, 2019
Ember and I made it to Montana! To recap, last week I talked about my anxiety surrounding flying with a toddler and I shared a few travel tips I’d gleaned from other mothers. Let me share how traveling with a one-year-old went…
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 24, 2019
Ember tumbled down a staircase last week!
I was following right behind her but wasn’t quick enough to catch her fall! She rolled from top to bottom. My heart still thumps like a drum in my chest when I think of it.
Mothering
Toddler Sleeping (Or Non-Sleeping)
by Donna Bruschi on Aug 10, 2019
Ember has now slept through the night 3 times...
...in her 18 month life – not 3 nights in a row, but rather once every few months we get a joyous surprise when we wake up, look at the clock, see it is 3 AM, 4AM, 5AM, 6AM and she is still asleep!
Mothering
The Myth of Sleeping Through the Night
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 20, 2019
Waking every hour or two to nurse ALL NIGHT LONG. Ugh. Whether you do it for a few days because your baby is teething or have been doing it for months or years, it takes a toll on you and you may wonder if you are doing the right thing.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jul 20, 2014
Memories from the womb… A story of the subconscious by Jasmine Wood
Hello Mamas!
I recently took a trip with Rita and her dad to Ithaca, NY.
This is the place where we lived for the majority of my pregnancy. After reflecting on our experiences there I have some interesting personal insight as to our time spent in the womb and how we carry experience and memories from our prenatal experiences.
Rita was conceived and carried in Ithaca, the land of waterfalls and gorges.
Throughout my pregnancy, I walked along the banks of many of these mesmerizing waterfalls finding comfort and peace in the water’s presence. My mind was quietly lulled into thoughtlessness, a simple pure state of being, by the sacred song of the river ever moving toward the sea. When I was seven months pregnant, we moved from Ithaca down to the Hudson Valley, where I grew up.
Like a salmon I followed the river home to give birth.
Rita was born in the same hospital I was, 25 years earlier, and our journey together with her in my arms, instead of in my belly, began! A few weeks ago, our little family took a trip back to Ithaca to visit some of our favorite sights, in particular, our favorite waterfalls.
As soon as Rita saw her first waterfall, her whole being became illuminated!
She literally glowed from within as she shouted “This is my favorite waterfall forever!” I was filled with joy that these sacred spots, that brought her father and me so much pleasure and contentment during our pregnancy, also held this special place for our daughter too!
We brought her back to the waterfalls of her days in the womb.
Something inside her recognized this place! I believe babies' subconscious memories begin to form from the moment of conception and evolve throughout pregnancy and birth. So when children are born, they already have a subconscious memory and internal impression of the world! I truly believe that Rita was soothed as a little fetus in the womb waters by the same external sounds that soothed her mama, the sound of the river and waterfall. Upon revisiting these sights years later, she was able to recapture the same positive emotions felt during her time in the womb!
Peaceful pregnancy, happy childhood, contented adult….
I feel that the first step toward life long well being takes place in the womb. By fostering an environment filled with love and joy and working to reduce stress we can create happy memories with our child that they will then in turn carry with them throughout their lives. My hearts feel full when I see a glowing smiling pregnant mama and I think of the little one within who is also smiling!
May peaceful vibrations radiate from you to your children and back again! Let us change the universe with love, one child at a time!
Till next time, Be Well!
Jasmine
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Jun 09, 2014
Once upon a summer afternoon, it was the month of June in the happening town of New Paltz, New York…
What to our wondering eyes did appear…?
Naked babies of all colors, shapes and sizes playing happily together in a cool pool of shallow water.
Mothering
Mother & Daughter- Friends forever
by Donna Bruschi on Apr 20, 2014
“I’m always gonna be your friend, always!” Rita exclaimed in her sing-song toddler speak. With those few simple words my heart melted. Lately, Rita and I have had our fair share of battles. Mini battles which stem from day-to-day tantrum prompters like brushing her curly locks, getting shoes and a coat on, or, our latest episode: who gets her out of her crib in the morning, mom or dad.
Mothering
Too Much TV, Not Enough Fresh Air
by Donna Bruschi on Mar 31, 2014
Too much TV, not enough fresh air…
We get irritated more quickly, our attention spans have shortened and we are all sick of indoor activities, we are continually seeking inspiration no longer found indoors! When Rita was first born she did not watch TV, it seemed obvious to us there was no need for a newborn to be placed in front of the tube. The same went for her whole first year. Then the winter of her second year hit.
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Mar 16, 2014
Wishing you a merry Maple Moon! What is Maple Moon you ask? More commonly referred to as “Sugar Moon”, Maple Moon is the full moon in March. It marks the onset of the sugaring season. For many Eastern Native American cultures this date represents the New Year!
Mothering
by Donna Bruschi on Feb 17, 2014
Sometimes I want to cry and freeze time.
I exclaim, “Stop growing! Just for a little while! You’re so perfect just the way you are!” What I really want is not for Rita to remain a toddler forever, but rather I want to remember with every fiber of my being what these amazing years are like.
