What do Push-up Bras, Holiday Festivities, Exhaustion, Babysitters, and too many desserts all have in common?    ...Mastitis! This is our annual Holiday Mastitis Prevention post. As we continue into the holiday season, remember these breastfeeding basics:

"I was the loneliest person in the world. My baby and I were spiraling down into a living hell..." My baby cried all the time, refusing to be held by anyone but me. I cried all the time. The pain of the surgery amplified by cracked, burning nipples and the agony of frustration, sadness and betrayal. And then it got worse.  

Ember has squirmed and cried on our flights. And breastfed with her feet kicking a minister in the seat next to us, and pooped mid-air.  To soothe my anxiety, I asked other moms for their best travel advice. Here are some of the useful tips I received.

No matter when your baby is due, you are probably thinking of all the things you need to have done for baby’s first weeks at home. Whether you are actually doing it is another thing..."PROCRASTINATORS UNITE!"

A ring sling positions parent and baby in their most biologically natural position. Babies are programmed to seek comfort at mother's breast. Her chest is the perfect habitat for a newborn baby who can hear her heart beat, feel her breath, smell her scent and feel the security and protection of her arms. Food and shelter are all in this place and babies instantly relax and calm, when placed on their parent's chest. 

When your 5 or 6 month old baby is watching you eat, gesturing for food, and sitting up (or almost), you are probably asking this question. But, you're confused by popular feeding advice. "Give them iron-fortified rice cereal." suggest many grandparents and pediatricians.  Your friend Hannah's baby loves her homemade purees. Auntie Dani dropped off a bag of jarred and squeeze pouches of commercial "baby food." And, all over the internet, you keep stumbling over "baby-led weaning." Rice cereal, the headless dinosaur is still thrashing its deadly tail of malnutrition. The call to feed your baby rice cereal, as the magic bullet to fill them up and make them sleep better, is brought to you by the same people, who complain that Chinese food doesn't fill you up because... "It's all rice." Same food.  Polished white rice is not filling, it's not nutritious and it's not a good first baby food. On the other hand, whole grain brown rice is an acceptable first food. Your BFF Hannah's Homemade Purees Gotta love Hannah and her insatiable drive to nurture and nourish. Homemade purees are generally nutritious, and nutrient dense. They meet the need for baby food, in as a natural state, as possible. And they can make up a part of your baby's first foods. But by 6 months, babies need texture. Purees are made for 2-6 month old formula-fed babies who have maxed out their daily formula intake. Auntie Dani means well. She sure does. Baby food is EXPENSIVE on a pound-for-pound basis. And her contribution to your budget is well-meaning and generous. And convenient. Toss those packs in your diaper bag, and watch your baby happily chow down on them, each time you to forget  the "real lunch" you packed for your baby... and left on the counter. Which brings us to baby-led weaning. Baby-led weaning (BLW) is a confusing phrase in the US. "Baby-led" is clear enough, but 'weaning' is confusing, when used in this context.  Americans generally use weaning to mean ENDING breast or bottle feeding.  In baby-led weaning, weaning is used with the original meaning, of ADDING FOOD, to a baby's milk diet. Baby-led weaning means that babies start eating solid foods by picking up food and feeding themselves. They learn how to eat by watching, taste, texture, trial and error. Real babies need real food. In whatever form you decide to start, use nutrient dense "real food" - meat, vegetables, fruit & whole grains. Feed your baby foods in as close to their natural state as possible. Food on the table should mostly look like the original plant or animal meat. Apple sauce, avocado, banana, cooked beans, blueberries, broccoli, hamburger, diced chicken, mashed or shredded carrots, chopped mango, french cut green beans, oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa, sweet potato and diced pears are all common first foods! Some people use whole grain oatmeal as a base food and add fruits and vegetables to that. Some people start with all veggies, followed by fruits, in the hopes that their baby won't develop a preference for sweet foods. While there seems to be some merit to this theory, a broad diet using all the flavors is much more interesting than a "mono" diet. Your baby's diet needs yoga! Ayurvedic (from India) cooking classifies salty, bitter, sour, astringent, sweet and pungent as "the six tastes." Work to include a little bit of each taste, in every meal and your baby's senses will be satisfied. Everyone has preferences, including your baby, and introducing a variety of tastes helps to balance strong preference. Ayurveda also recommends a mix of wet and dry, cold and warm, light and heavy foods. Introduce a variety of textures and tastes. Puree was developed and marketed in a time when formula-fed babies started foods at a younger age and needed drinkable food. At 6 months, babies can start with semi-soft, chunky, wet and dry foods. Watch when your baby eats- stay nearby- they will gag and cough! As long as they are coughing, they are OK. They will figure it out and learn to eat without gagging.  By the middle of the first year, most babies are very interested in chewing and biting. Biting and gumming food strengthens their jaw and flattens their palate, which helps to make enough room for teeth. Different textures keep meals interesting. Boxed and canned food is less nutritious and more expensive. Most boxed and canned food has lost its nutrition in an effort to keep it shelf stable. In addition, it is exposed to plastics which are absorbed into the food. These plastics are often known endocrine disrupters. We know these are bad, but we don't know how bad, yet. Corn is $1 a bag in the frozen food section and $4 a bag as tortilla chips. Boxed cereal costs $5-10 per pound and contains sugar, and whole grains are $1-5 per pound and have complex carbohydrates. What NOT to eat is important. You can feed any food except honey, and foods you or other family members, are allergic to. Raw honey may have botulism spores which is harmless to children and adults, but babies have a weaker immune system and are vulnerable to botulism poisoning. Curiously, this also include the popular Honey Nut Cheerios, which are not processed at high enough heat to kill botulism. Artificial food colors and nitrates in processed meat aren't good for babies, either. While you are breastfeeding, there is no need for dairy foods in the forms of yogurt, cheese, or liquid milk. Cow's milk nutrients are mostly the same, but in different proportions. Your milk is the perfect balance of protein, fat and sugar for a human baby or toddler. On a related note, grain and nut milks are not that nutritious, and are highly processed. Give your child the nut or grain instead, and a glass of water. When to mix it up? Feed one food for 3 to 4 days, then add a new food. If there are any allergies, then you know which food is causing it. Food reactions can take many forms. It might be sleeplessness or irritability. Rashes are common and may look like flushed red cheeks, a bulls-eye around the anus, chapping around the mouth, or a pimply sandpaper rash that covers large areas of skin. Diarrhea, vomiting, and constipation are also common signs of a sensitivity or allergy. During the first few months, focus on offering foods and helping your baby to experiment with new sensations and tastes. While some babies dive right in, others take their time. Continue breastfeeding about the same amount you always have and offer food as an add-on. Your baby will naturally imitate you and eat more food as they gain skill and knowledge.

I have been thinking a lot about trusting my instincts as a mother. Sometimes that is easier said than done, especially when someone in an authority position (a doctor, a teacher, a specialist,) or someone whose approval I seek (my mother, my partner, my friend,) is telling me that something I am doing, is wrong. It can be enormously frustrating and it recently happened to me.

Temper tantrums are a cry for help. When having a meltdown, your child is totally overwhelmed and needs support. Unfortunately, few parents received support for their strong feelings as children or learned even basic skills for working through a tantrum.

The warmth of the last several weeks has me feeling hopeful that the relentless cold and darkness of the coming months will not happen after all!  The longer nights, shorter days, chill, and dampness depress me, and I find it hard to be happy, and even more, difficult to accomplish my daily tasks.

When you are researching, it may seem that using a free or low cost Lactation Consultant is the best way to start. Another way of thinking is that if you never breastfed before, an excellent Lactation Consultant will shorten your learning curve and prevent problems that will cost you even more money. But how do you know?

By Donna Bruschi   You came to me as a small fish: frantic, untiring, unceasing Swimming upstream to the place of your birth Your only need, to reach the headwaters. At that moment, I knew and surrendered   And a spring deep inside me sprang. And I held you. You asked me to fill a pond and I did. In time, your incessant demands pushed forth a tiny stream. Droplets skittering over my being, your essence seeping into my dust Each day a new gush, another groove, cut and deepened And still you spurted forth, Carving me in ways I didn’t expect You dribbled and babbled and always, I held you, New shoots sprang up in your presence, needing tender care The spring thaw always eroded. Unearthing pebbles, then rocks Carrying them, bump. bump. While you gurgled and rushed, seeking the path of least resistance. Gaining momentum, deepening, broadening Overrunning your banks, flooding me Gouging me, eroding my boundaries Always shaping and cutting your own path. Always following the path of least resistance In your retreat, detritus and silt to be cleaned or absorbed   An aerial reveals switchbacks and impossible twists That make no sense Until you are walking the banks, walking the lay of the land.   An eddy formed, a deep swirling in my unceasing efforts to hold you. I admired how the sun cracked into a million diamonds on your skin You fell silent, biding your time, building strength, seeking an outlet With a thundering roar as you exploded over the edge, A thing of unimaginable beauty My heart stopped as you went over That unstoppable, terrifying, endless plummet Only to land in another eddy, and me grasping, to hold you Yet forward you moved, dragging rocks, trees, pieces of my heart Your power fluid, spellbinding I was awestruck, lovestruck…watching you go in your churning You embraced, then sidestepped boulders One day, I held you one last time and then, you were gone The swells of the ocean pulled you in and you swam away. I watched for awhile, sad and happy, adding my tears to the confluence Grateful for the spring that still nourishes my heart

Who Loves YOU? Your baby, of course. Your partner, of course. Your friends... Of course! How about you? Do you love yourself? Most of us do, but probably not all the time. Maybe not even most of the time. Having a baby can exacerbate this lack of self love. Somehow, that little being brings out your worst: your impatience, your sadness, your anger, your low self esteem, your GUILT! You fall into the comparison trap. You see other mothers at their best. You watch TV shows and movies with "Mom Impersonators". Screen writers condemn and make fun of your very worst moments while highlighting the Instagram Moments. You start to think "That's how life really is". You start to think there is something wrong with you. Like when your baby cries and you can't soothe him? You start to think you have no milk, because your baby fusses at your breast, or because your breasts are small. You get anxious when your partner is due home, because you are still in your pajamas, breakfast is still uneaten on the table, and dinner is some sort of dim oasis, far on the horizon. On days like this, you just want your mommy. Not just any mommy... but June Cleaver, Mother Theresa and Aunt Jemima rolled into one. Someone who will Take Over, GET ALL THOSE THINGS DONE, and hold you while you cry. Honey... I got news for you. She's not coming. She doesn't exist and never has. If she ever did exist, she had staff doing her house work and probably drank to smooth the sharp edges of motherhood out of her mind. So what is possible when you are miserable?  A dose of acceptance. A little, or a lot of, "letting go." Making some new friends who understand where you are at, and how it is with a new baby. Some taking care of your needs and putting yourself first, at least some times. Most importantly, you have to ask for help. People want to help you. They really do. See all those gifts, cards, emails, likes, phone messages, and texts? That is because they want to help. They want you to feel proud of yourself, because they are proud of you. They want you to feel good about being a mother. Your job is to get over this mistaken belief that you have to do it all yourself. It's not easy. Help doesn't always come in the right sizes, shapes and colors. Sometimes it comes with strings attached. Or guilt. Sometimes it's like a bag of hand-me-downs. You have to sort through it and take what works for you. Sometimes, you have to be REAL specific about what you want ....with your mother...who didn't raise you, the way you are raising your baby. It's part of growing up and you can learn how to do it. She may grumble, or criticize (Painful!) but stick to what you want and she'll come around. Probably. It really does take a village to raise a child. And here we all are, in our little nuclear families with the two jobs, the big house and the big lawn and so much work to do on top of raising a baby. Something's got to give, and the easiest thing to go is your pride. Not your pride in yourself. That's important, but your pride in denying yourself a community that loves and supports you and your little family. Start small, say yes when people offer, and watch that community grow! "Look what we made, Baby! We made a community... and they LOVE us!"  

The creation of a child is a time when many parents take a renewed interest in the content of their diets, often starting in the supermarket. For a couple eating fast food-to-go, it may be their first time in a supermarket, with the intention of preparing a meal from food, not a box. Another couple might start buying Certified Organic food and "shopping the perimeter," where the fresh foods are. And others might pass by the supermarket, headed for the health food store. Shelf stable and highly convenient In the supermarket, you are surrounded by highly processed, salty and sugary foods with dairy, palm, soy and high fructose corn syrup, in nearly every product.  In the health food store, you are surrounded by highly processed, salty and sugary foods with sea salt, soy, coconut oil and organic cane sugar in nearly every product. In addition, you can also supplement your diet with bottles of natural vitamins and protein powders. Both places specialize in food products, not foods. They are causing a health crisis in our community. We are now overweight and malnourished at the same time.  Food products are altered by manufacturing, chemistry, or genetics to remove undesired parts like bran, moisture, living bacteria, or cholesterol from a food. Or they are fortified with extra protein, iron, Vitamin D, calcium or Omega 3’s, whether or not Mother Nature intended the original food to have those.  In addition, they are processed to have a shelf life of several months, or years. They are preserved. If you leave them outside on your deck, you will find they break down very slowly, if it all. Shelf life renders them nearly useless as nutrition for our finely tuned digestive systems. Let's take a radical departure from all that, and take a ride down to the farm. Unlike the produce at the health food store which gets flown in by jet from commercial farms in far away California, Washington, Mexico and New Zealand, this food gets wheel-barrowed or tractored in from the rolling hills surrounding the barn. This food has a small carbon footprint. And here are your farmers - It might be a couple with two little kids, or a couple of Ag students learning the ropes via mentorship, or it might be an extended family with Greats, Grands, Aunts, Uncles, Parents, Cousins and Kids. They might be Michelin gourmet with 3 kinds of mizuna and 11 kinds of basil, or they might be country with piles of tomatoes, peaches, plums, pears, zucchini and apples. They might be meat farmers with chickens, cows and pigs. Or dairy farmers with a line of sublime cheeses and ice cream. They might even be brewing, fermenting, or distilling their hops, grapes and barley into tasty beverages. Whatever they grow, they nurture and nourish with their experience, love and their sweat.  Whole foods look like how they come out of the ground, off the tree, or off the animal. An apple is an apple, no wax, all different varieties, juicy, flavorful and literally MOUTH WATERING. ShopRite apples aren't like this and Apple Fruit Rollups are definitely not at all like this. And I say, there are no bad vegetables, only bad cooks. Once you've eaten fresh from the farm, it's easier to switch from overly processed ‘food products’ to a diet rich in whole foods. Small farms rotate crops. They use manure and compost. They work the land, feed the land and then, let the land rest, so that it remains productive. Shopping from local farms reinforces community! Not only does shopping at the farm help your diet, but it also places your family back into the local food chain. Your hard earned dollars promote sustainable agricultural practices and stay in the community where they support Little League, the school Drama Club and food programs like Second Harvest. Living in the Hudson Valley of New York, we have a wealth of locally grown and raised foods. For our family's health and the strength of our local economies, let us all work together and make conscious food choices, supporting our local farmers.

My memory is imprinted with my mom dunking and swirling dirty diapers in the toilet. Ewwww.... I was born at the dawn of the ecology movement, the same year Rachel Carson published Silent Spring, a groundbreaking book about the devastating effects of DDT on birds, and other animals. My dad would become an environmental scientist who managed cleanup projects like Love Canal in NY. I was cloth diapered in big white diapers with pins and plastic pants, as were my brother and sister.   My mom didn't use cloth diapers because she was eco-minded.  She used cloth because everyone used cloth diapers. Disposable diapers were just being developed. She used disposables when we went on a cross-country trip in 1965. She described them as bulky white Pampers that you pinned onto a baby. She vaguely recalled pulling plastic pants over them. Then came the 70s and working moms When I babysat in the 1970s, Pampers were the best-selling diaper - disposable or other wise. They were wood-pulp fiber bulky diapers with an outer layer that was the same material they make plastic garbage bags out of. The fasteners were tape that had a removable paper backing. I would peel off the little tab and stick the diaper onto baby Jason, or his sister Courtney. Sometimes, I would get the angle wrong and try to peel the tape off, ripping the plastic cover, ruining the diaper.  Fast forward to 1994. It's Diaper Utopia! I am pregnant and everyone uses disposables! You can buy big cases with hundreds of diapers at Costco. There is a new diaper concept in 1994-- diapers have some kind of really absorbent gel, and they hold a lot of pee. They have a clothlike cover and they aren't crinkly with velcro tabs! They are trim-fitting and babies can walk easier. Bonus-- the new diapers take up less space in landfills. In addition, they are inventing all kinds of things like "composting diapers" and" incinerating diapers to create electricity" so that used disposable diapers won't take over the earth. I swallow this all, hook, line and sinker. Until...My Mother-in-Law's unwanted gift Fran, told me that when she was a new mother, someone had given her eight weeks of diaper service. A diaper service is where they wash your cloth diapers. She considered it to be the perfect gift! It was so much easier and much more sanitary (She's big on sanitizing.) than washing your own diapers! She was excited to find that they still had diaper services and had purchased eight weeks of diaper service for me, and for my pregnant sister-in-law. I was shocked and appalled. How quaint! Where on earth had she dug up this best-forgotten, shriveled relic of disgustingness?  Who in their right mind would willingly dunk and swirl dirty diapers? Who would stab their thumbs and baby with diaper pins? And listen to crinkly plastic pants? Are you kidding me?  I was polite.  Because of the Bridal Shower "Microwave Gift" incident, I kept my mouth shut and made my husband talk to her and... she didn't listen. About 6 weeks after my son was born, the phone rang. It was Tidey Didey. "Did you have your baby, yet?" I've never been good with snappy comebacks and that day was no exception. "Um, yeah."  "That's great and congratulations! Frances Bruschi has gifted you with eight weeks of diaper service.We normally deliver to Hicksville on Fridays. Does that work for you?"  "Um. Yeah, I guess so." I've never been very good with telling people "No." either. "Great! We'll see you Friday!" I felt kind of sick to my stomach.  On Friday, Diaper Dave arrived. He explained that my gift included 80 diapers per week, 6 diaper covers, (they were plain white Pro-Wraps with velcro tabs) a big white diaper pail and a nylon diaper pail liner.  And, all I had to do was put the nylon bag of dirty diapers out every Friday morning and I would find 80 more, bright white, sanitized, prefold diapers by lunchtime. He showed me how to diaper my son.  He assured me there was no need for dunking and swirling. I put the diapers in the nursery. I was curious. I took them out of the bag. They were very white! They didn't have any particular kind of smell. They smelled clean but I wouldn't say they smelled like soap, sunshine, chemicals or bleach, for example. I squished my son's fluffy butt. It was soft and hollow sounding. I stacked the diapers on the changing table, and waited for the next diaper change. Honestly, it seemed easy enough. I changed a few diapers, folding the prefold into the cover and pulling the velcro snugly around James' waist. They were a lot bulkier than disposables. They were also incredibly soft. They were almost as soft as his skin. And, by some amazing coincidence, they soaked up all his pee and poop.   A few weeks went by. I liked using the cloth diapers! I was curious about washing them. So I washed some of the diapers myself. And amazingly, they came clean! I researched and mail-ordered prefolds and covers which arrived just before the diaper service ran out. I had the washing routine down tight. I washed every other day.  I bought a new washing machine. I figured out how much money we were saving, and bought a new dryer too.  I've always been an idealist, a perfectionist and a reformer. I loved my new washer and dryer. It had a built in second rinse. Washing diapers was a breeze. Every other day, I put the dirty diapers in the washer, set the washer for rinse and spin, reset the machine to hot wash/double rinse, added soap and sat back while the machine did the dirty work. I moved them to the dryer, set it for 65 minutes on hot. I stacked them up: 30 white diapers. I didn't have to go to Costco anymore. I held my nose high as I walked past the perfumed disposables in King Kullen and CVS.  Once Upon A Child had a tiny store near me. One day, I saw a garbage bag full of Bumkins All-In-One diapers for $100 - I couldn't believe my luck! There were 4 sizes in the bag and enough in each size, for a full stash. I bought them, took them home and washed them. I ditched the prefolds, certain that I had found my true love.  But you know that's not how cloth diaper stashes work My friend, Donna, was showing me her latest purchase: Kushies All-in-Ones. Unlike my sometimes leaky, nylon-shelled Bumkins, Kushies had PVC covers and more layers of flannel. They had cute prints and colors. I had diaper envy. Of course, I quickly realized that I needed Kushies to make my life easier. I bought a 5 pack. AT LAST, I could stop buying diapers- I had enough diapers to diaper the next two or three babies. Except, next pregnancy, I had twins. I told all Gift Givers to buy me Kushies and received 2 matched sets of 36 small diapers and 36 large diapers. Now that I really was done buying diapers, I went off the deep end with cloth diaper reform. I move from Fan to Zealot The twins never wore disposable diapers after the meconium poop passed. Using All-In-One diapers was just easier than buying disposable diapers for an enthusiastic mother on a mission. I bought 40 washcloths to use instead of wipes. Of course, we used cloth when we traveled. When the washer went on the fritz, I packed up the kids and went to the laundromat for our every-other-daily adventure. I did feel weird until I saw a guy washing his oil-covered mechanics clothes - at least my dirt was organic in nature and didn't stick to the inside of the washer! Trash hadn't been such a big deal when we lived in a city with trash pick-up. Now, we lived in the country and took our trash to the transfer station. With three little kids, it was hard to take the garbage weekly. Most of our garbage was "clean" garbage - empty packages and wrappers. We composted food and rinsed cans and meat trays. I imagined the awful stench of two or three week-old disposable diapers sitting in the shed... I appreciated my washer and dryer and I used them for years. The washer lasted 12 years and the dryer 16 years. (I line dry a lot in nice weather.) Even though I didn't pay for the Kushies, I still saved thousands of dollars by cloth diapering three babies. Each baby uses about 8000 diapers from birth to potty. I don't have to tell you how much they cost! Come! Stand Around My "Free and Clear" Soapbox We don't really think about trash much because our garbage goes AWAY, somewhere. It doesn't sit in our backyard, unsightly, stinking up the place. But what if it did? When thrown away, 8000 diapers is about 30 large black plastic bags of non-compostable plastics, chemicals and bio-waste. When my children were done with diapers, the prefolds went under the sink for spills, dusting and cleaning. The Kushies fit into one white tall kitchen garbage bag and went to a friend who diapered her next two children with them. Continued evolution. In the 15 years since my twins have potty trained, cloth diapers have evolved even more. There really is a cloth diaper for every baby and every lifestyle. While I leaned towards one extreme, there is value in part-time cloth diapering, too. I share this story for your consideration and invite you to think about the many aspects of reusable diapers and how they might fit into your life. Every April, we host a Great Cloth Diaper Change. Please join us. We provide the cloth diapers. Even if you only change into one cloth diaper, that is one diaper less in our trash stream and more importantly it gives you an hour to consider a different way of life, creating a different world for your child to live in.

By Lisa Bullard (Originally published January 2013) First of all, Happy New Year!!! May 2013 bring everyone much joy, harmony, and love! On a more mundane note, my thoughts have been scattered for, oh, about 17 months now . . . I’m bringing this up because I just couldn’t figure out what to write for the newsletter and I realized it was because this is what was going on: Me thinking: I could write about how amazing language is and I . . Me talking: “Wait! Ember, honey, we can’t climb on that shelf! Yikes! Here. Would you like to draw? Here are some crayons and paper.” Me thinking: Okay, so yeah, I just can’t believe babies' drive to learn, and how we all had to learn to talk, and how much vocabulary we all store in our memories. I could write . . . Ember: Holding a crayon dangerously near my eyes: “Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.” Me: “Oh, you want me to draw?” You get the picture. In fact, as a parent, I’m sure you also live the picture!  Anyway, one day I finally hit a nap time when I had a chance to sit, think and write. I want to share that as I watch Ember learn to talk, I realize just how incredible our drive to communicate is! To think that we all had to learn the vocabulary we use word by word! In hindsight, things make sense. As Ember is able to communicate more to us, we are figuring out some of the reasons she cried as a baby. We always did our best, but sometimes just didn’t know what she wanted. For instance, we were at a Christmas party with a table full of snacky foods. She started saying something, and whimpering, but because of the noise I couldn’t hear what she was saying. By the time I made out the word she was saying, she was heading towards a full blown cry. “Cracker,” is what she had been asking for.  Knowing her needs made the solution quite simple – give her a cracker. No problem. Crisis easily averted quietly and with no tantrum. I love language!

"You have to let him cry it out.  It's not a big deal, it's only two, maybe three nights? And then, they sleep. You'll see....I was a wreck when I did it, but now it's all good." The first night wasn't so bad. Steven and Monica looked at each other in disbelief as Henry's crying slowed and then stopped. She glanced at the clock--25 minutes--5 trips in to calm him down. The schedule said to wait 10 minutes, but that had seemed inhumane and they went in before he got extremely upset. He slept until about two o'clock in the morning. Steven ninja-sprinted to pat his tummy and amazingly, Henry went back to sleep. The second night, they had been warned, it would be worse, and it was. Henry took one look at the crib and clung tightly. Steven pried him off Monica and set him in the crib and patted his chest. Monica left. Henry cried harder. Steven calmed him, and then joined Monica in front of the video monitor. The sound was turned off.  "I can't bear to hear him cry. This can't be right--it doesn't feel right. I wouldn't want to be left alone, if I were upset. But, everyone says this is how it is. He'll get used to it, I guess. I guess we all do."  Steven wrapped his arms around her and comforted her. They watched Henry cry and heard his cries through the wall. Monica's phone dinged--time to check--Henry was still crying. Steven went in to soothe him. He patted him and whispered "You'll be okay buddy... just go to sleep." And left the room. He came back and held Monica, and they sat, glued to the monitor, again. Steven went in again. And again. And again. And again. And again. He made sure not to go in before five minutes had elapsed. After an hour, he sat on the chair in Henry's room, with tears rolling down his face, and kept his hand on Henry's chest until he finally fell asleep. Monica watched them on the monitor.  On the third night, Steven and Monica sadly completed each step of Henry's bedtime routine. Monica nursed Henry and handed him to Steven with tears in her eyes. Steven put Henry in his crib and sat next to him on the chair, his hand slowly stroking his chest. Henry cried and cried. Then he slowed and after a few minutes, he fell asleep and Steven tiptoed out of the room barely able to believe it. Steven and Monica lay down on their bed. She nestled her head on his arm. They drifted into sleep. Exhausted.  20 minutes later, Henry started screaming. Monica leaped out of bed ran to Henry's room and Steven followed. He was now screaming, crying, and barely able to catch his breath.  "Something's wrong! I can't do this any more!" "Honey... I can't either."  They sat side-by-side on the couch and Monica nursed Henry. Monica cried as she expressed how upset she was, and how guilty she felt, for upsetting Henry. Henry nursed and dozed. Each time he released the nipple, he cried in a panic, rooting to find it. Each time he cried, Monica felt her tears well up. Steven stroked her hair and her shoulders.  Henry fell into a deep sleep. Monica carried him into their room and slid him into the bassinet. He was too big for it really, but for tonight, it would do. She lay down on her side with her hand out-stretched onto his chest. Steven pulled in tightly behind her. He stroked her arm and soothed her.  "He'll be OK. We'll find a way so he doesn't cry. He's too little to be left alone. That's all he was trying to tell us."

How can families who breastfeed get the most sleep every night? And protect their precious baby from harm, while doing so?Soon after beginning breastfeeding, nearly every breastfeeding parent has fallen asleep while breastfeeding, without regard to safety. The stark warnings against sleeping with your baby, fade into a haze of exhaustion. It is a dangerous way of dealing with a life and death problem, that has a fairly easy solution. Setting up a safe sleep environment for your whole family, including your baby, is easy.

Heather noticed her four year-old scratching the back of his head. She recalled him doing it the night before and her heart skipped a beat. It had been a late night with a hurried bath. They both fell asleep in his bed within minutes of lying down and she remembered how restless he had been. She remembered she had a dream about finding lice on him.

  Stoic, unflinching--rifle-in-hand--warding off bears and wildcats. Remember Ma from Little House on the Prairie? Can you think of anyone more idealized? She had tons of patience, home-making skills, doctor, childbirth and child raising skills. She took care of cows and chickens, and fed her family. She quilted and made clothes for her family. She prayed and sang and taught her children. She was good at almost everything. But there was one thing she wasn't good at. Ma wasn't good at was making friends. Because she was a Pioneer Woman, wedded young to a man she barely knew, with 3 children before you could say Kindergarten. Ma and Pa set off with small children in a covered wagon walking across miles of prairie. She was the wife of an ambitious man who wanted land, and lots of it. And she didn't make friends mostly because there weren't any to be made. We don't really know how Ma felt about things. Her idealized story was told by her adult daughter many years later. Could she have been lonely? Of course she was! Loneliness is a common human experience. Could she have regretted her decisions? Most likely. Most people do. Was she ever a little 'postpartum?' Could be! She had a stong religious faith and in the years they were near a church, it was an integral part of her life. Faith is an essential piece of a heathy life. But her life was hard, especially by our modern day measure and mostly, she faced it alone because she had no choice. When we are going hours or days without being able to share your feelings or talk to another adult, we can feel a little postpartum and blue. We can feel overwhelmed by listening, problem solving and entertaining babies and children all day. And, sometimes...you are exhausted and something in you snaps! You may find yourself in tears in a full blown pity party because it's the umpteenth week of sick. Or yelling at your baby or child because they won't stop whining or crying. And, you feel ashamed. And, you don't know what to do about it or how to stop yelling at your poor child. And you don't know how to stop feeling so sad and overwhelmed. If we remember Ma, and all the other prairie women, so patient and stoic... then we feel worse because obviously something in us is flawed and awful because a sick and whiny child is not locusts or bears or masked marauders. It's just a whiny child. Ma didn't have a choice, but you do. Being in a funk doesn't necessarily mean therapy or medication, although that can be helpful. What you probably need most of all is some friends. Someone who has a child just your child's age who is going through what you are going through. A kind person who can listen nodding her head, offering support and empathy. Before kids, you may have been content with casual acquaintances and your partner. You also had time to drink deeply from your creative well with your work, hobbies and other enjoyable things. Now that kids are your work, your hobby and your everything you may feel like you are in a deep funk. A lot of it is because you don't have any friends.  When we feel connected, we don't feel lonely.  Friendship makes any challenge easier and more enjoyable. That's easy for you so say but...It's not so easy to find a friend! I've been hosting social circles for two decades. It's the truth--mothering in the suburbs can feel like you are in the middle of a a prairie in Nebraska. But we aren't in the middle of a prairie. Women and children are everywhere and nearly all of them feel lonely.  And many feel awkward doing anything about it. But to have a friend who is going through the same things as you is worth a hundred bottles of Zoloft. We all need friendship. Please take a more relaxed look at friendship. Start like it's dating - "Let's meet at Café Mama." Accept awkward - There was this time I went on a blind date play date and the mom answered the door, picked up some food off the floor and popped it into her mouth. Be flexible - If you and your mama soulmate love each other but your children don't play well, text each other often, but meet at the playground. Cultivate different kinds of friends - Prenatal yoga pals, baby friends, hike buddies and middle-of-the-night besties. You need all of them. Be proactive and be a friend - Give out your phone number, and follow or friend request on social media. Assume good intent -  if you get stood up, stay calm. Most likely a diaper blowout, a super-nap or rough night is to blame. Reschedule! Simplify. It's my heartfelt wish that no mama be lonely. I've done much of the ground work for you to find friends. A consistent schedule, age and interest matched and lots of publicity. Hundreds of women have come to New Baby New Paltz and made friends at Cafe Mama. Funny thing is that many of them have been modern day "Ma's" here with their ambitious husbands for a year or a career, because somehow moving makes is obvious that you need to make friends. But the groups only work if we all show up- so lets do this! Having friends really is that simple. My love to you and your family.     --Donna        

We all had key adults in our lives who guided us as children. Every one of us had adults who cared about us, fed us, clothed us, disciplined, and encouraged us. It might not have been your mom or dad, but there was someone.